The Depths Of My Heart

Awaken

 DEAR DIARY.

All my energy and everything else in my life were starting to lose all meaning.  

I didn't know whether everything would go back to normal, well this was the new normal, 

Was my heart going to be whole again?

Was anyone ever going to love me as he did?

I lay awake at night

Wishing of things I can change 

I try to convince myself it will get better

This feels like a déjà vu,

 That was because I actually went through this milestone before,

With the same person.

There I am blaming myself for my own pain which one way or the other caused it myself.

You said you loved me,

Yet you push me away 

But why do you play with my heart to the point of breaking

And never stop taking?

Is this the end 

Or the new beginning 

Only one can guide me when my head is spinning 

Why does it feel like you are still going to come back and justify every action?

This is what plays 

Over my head as I try to close my eyes

And just go to bed.

Every day doesn't feel real,

I can't feel the sun, moon, or stars.

Everything seems dull,

Even imagining your face has become hard.

Please promise me this time you will just let me be.

Let me be me and only me.

You always come back to haunt me, follow me everywhere,

But this time, my life no longer will I share.

Forgetting you is something I will never be able to do.

Even though I say I hate you, you know it's because I love you.

Am hopeful that I will let you go this time,

Even when it seems impossible. 

You have taught me to see a different perspective on life.

As humans, we tend to flow into feelings blindly without knowing whether the other person really values what you are doing for them or not.

 Situations like these give us a reality check and teach us that you may be a clean soul with only love to give, 

But the other person was there only for some short-term gains.

My heart has been broken,

But I'll plant seeds in the cracks and pray for the rain.