disappointed

chp 2

yo pog is that another chapter!?

um yeah this one is a little explicit with the self harm because I write this as a vent and I am NOT doing too well right now haha

anyway I'm planning on having a chapter from mumbo and iskall's perspective soon and hopefully grian will get his hug or something

He sat up in his bed, he still hadn't been able to sleep much. Even when he had been able to fall asleep it was restless and riddled with nightmares. He was awfully tired but at the same time he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep even if he tried.

He threw what was left of his covers onto the floor to join its brethren and walked over to his closet, picking out a new pair of jeans and another one of his signature red sweaters. He made his way over to the bathroom, a room he's been spending a lot more time in lately, and turned on his shower.

As he stood under the shower head raining freezing cold water on his small body as he let his mind wander. He thought about how these past few days have been, they haven't been...great.

His self harm had only gotten worse as the days went by, he still hadn't even left his little hobbit hole though he thinks he might today, he needed to check the barge and work on his mansion, either of them.

He starts to think about his partners and that immediately made his mood ten times worse. He was filled with a strong sense of guilt for relapsing and just his deteriorating mental health in general. He knew this wasn't entirely his fault but he also could've talked to someone.

Iskall and mumbo are gonna be disappointed in him.

That thought alone almost sends him into a separate mini spiral. He hates making his partners worry or upsetting them yet that is exactly what will happen when they inevitably find out about this. He isn't stupid, he knows they're bound to find out at some point. He'll hide it for as long as he can but he knows that won't work forever.

Not only is that just wishful thinking, the other architechs aren't stupid. Not to mention iskall's freaky talent of reading people, especially their partners, like a book. They also know about his struggles with mental health and self harm in the past, they're one of the biggest factors in his previous recovery.

He sighed as he turned off the shower along with that train of thought.

He could feel a hint aofpanic starting to bubble in his stomach and before he even put on his pants he grabbed his blade off the counter and didn't even hesitate before he started aggressively ripping open the already cut up skin on both of his arms.

Eventually he had run out of room on his armsand maybe because he could still feel the panic bubbling in his belly or maybe he just wasn't satisfied quite yet he moved onto his legs, cutting deeper and faster.

After around an hour he finally felt the panic edge away and a feeling of satisfaction overtake it. He looked at his arms, then at his legs and decided he would have to get another towel.

He wet the new towel under the sink and patted down his legs, then his arms. After this was done he threw the bloody and slightly damp towel into the laundry bin in the corner of his bathroom.

He wrapped himself up in bandages and carefully pulled on his clothes, trying not to rip open any of his fresh cuts. He washed of the blade and relented he'd needmore bandages, and probably a new blade, his was getting dull.

He made his way out of the bathroom thinking about what he should do first today. He could go work on one of his mansions or he could check the barge. There were also the remaining hermit challenge chickens but he didn't really feel up to one of the challenges his partners gave him.

He decided on checking the barge and with that made his way to the shopping district.

He could've flown there and usually he would've but today he just didn't have the energy for it, so he settled on going through the nether.

He usually liked flying so he could relish in the salty smell of the ocean and the wind flowing easily off his body along with the ruffling of his feathers as he flew through the air.

He sighed wistfully thinking about changing his mind and flying anyway until he stumbled halfway to his nether portal. He quickly changes his mind again and silently curses his blood loss and hunger.

He hadn't eaten in a day or two, he just didn't have the energy to feed himself. So that combined with the blood loss made him tired and dizzy. He hoped he didn't run into anyone while he was out.

He made his way through the nether, slowly, to the portal that would take him to the shopping district.

He flew from the portal into his barge and even just that short flight took a lot out of him as he stumbled and would of fallen if it wasn't for Ren who was looking at his mystery boxes.

"woah there dude are you alright?" he could see Ren's slightly concerned gaze through his sunglasses "yeah, just a rough landing haha." he steadied himself on Ren's arm and then quickly let go.

"if you say so g man, well I have treasure to find now so see ya!" Ren said this while waving around the mystery barge box then lighting fireworks and flying right out the barge.

Grian was grateful Ren didn't question him too much even though he knew he could definitely tell that it wasn't just a 'bad landing'. He wasn't going to dwell on it too much and made his way over to the closest diamond chest.

He made his way around the barge looking through all of the chests and making a mental checklist of what he needs to restock and by the time he was finished he was one hundred and ninety two diamonds richer.

He went over the mental checklist of what he needs to restock a few times and left to go get the things he needed.

(pretend I wrote the grinding if you want idk)

After what was probably five or six hours of grinding he felt like he was seconds away from passing out. He had already restocked the barge so he headed back to his hobbit hole.

When he entered it was quiet and calm as always. He kicked off his shoes and made his way to the bathroom, he looked in the mirror for a few minutes before washing off his face a bit and gripping the sink as he was hit with a sudden wave of nausea.

He groaned as he stood up straighter and made his way over to his bed. He didn't even pick his blankets off the floor as he crashed onto his bed swiftly passing out into a restless uneasy sleep.