I fell for him.
It was not love at first sight.
Was it love?
I have never been once committed in my life. Let's say " morattu single :)"
Y? Let's leave it for other chapters.
This quarantine got me so much into music industry wherein I found this guy. Very random.
I initially started to see this guy's group variety shows in youtube cuz I found another guy interesting 😂.
Then very randomly I felt an immense moving emotion towards this guy.
To one who has never been in love, I thought it was love.
I thought I had a connection to this person and was literally calling him my husband to my friends🙊.
They were obviously taken aback to find a sanyasi badly wanting to get married.
Even I was shook.
What happened to me? 🤔
Am I fan girling ?🙄
Am I in my right mind?😳
Am I sexually deprived? 😒
Many more questions arose.
I am a kind of person who always wanted to keep my emotions in check. I really don't know why I started doing it , but I kinda controlled all my emotions,real strict. So this weird emotion literally freaked the hell out of me .
Initially I thought it was because of my hormones. Then the more I saw him the more I liked him. I badly wanted to embrace the warmth of this person.
Weird. Real weird.
It straight hit my ego and then I went around telling myself
😑Comeon he is not your type!
😔He is too old for you!
😞We together will look so funny.
😟We probably will never get to meet right?
😓My family will kill me for this.
😖As if this is gonna happen.
It's not that I don't crush people. I do and it lasts for a real short period of time. This was so damn weird . I myself thought this weird thing must be love. I have never been into anyone this much to be called "a crazy bitch " by myself.
"As if it will happen" - this one hit me so hard.
As I was so so into this guy it went like
🤔 Y can't I?
🙄 Am I lacking?
😕 Y I don't give myself a free will to like someone ?
😟 Who are you? 🔥🔥( that,s my name:p ) who are you girl?
Weirdly "Y can't I ?" And " Am I lacking " broke a big box I wore on my head.
For the first time after many many years I looked at me.
Yes " Y can't you?" . The long lost confidence of a little girl started blooming amidst all ruckus in her mind.
I saw me.
I started cherishing me .
I started to work in accepting every single part of me.
I did whatever I felt like doing.
I started singing.
I started posting videos on youtube.
I suddenly felt like nothing was stopping me.
That's when I finally understood that what stopped me was not anyone or anything above or around , it was me.
Yes it was me.
I stopped myself from doing everything I desired.
I was scared. I was scared of being judged.
I walked around with a box in my head for a real long time. It's time I break free.
Yes, it was not easy. It was not easy to break it. Months together it took for me to finally find ME. It felt like home😃
It dint stop there. I literally don't let anything go away from me. Memories,here I say.
If I sense it leaving me or fading away slowly, I will hold on to it as if I will die if I don't have them with me. Weird right?
When I first found out this about me I was literally asking myself sarcastically " who are you? Really?"
So it didn't end here.
I started making this guy special.
" Ah, its because of him only I started to change."
"It's because of him only I started to like myself."
I was the one who went through real hard times to find myself back but look at me giving credit to this guy😂.
"Mi cha so ? "
That's korean by the way , it's " crazy"
So are you curious what I did next?
