glowing. || julian devorak

part four.

Dinners, whether they were at the palace or not, were awkward.

They were always a bit strange, as was unavoidable with the odd mix of people that attended them, and maybe the unspoken feelings had left a lingering feeling of agitation.

But the meals that came in the weeks following Portia's visit to her brother were nearly unbearable for everyone. Muriel had gotten so tense that he'd left the table, even the building, on multiple occasions. The five people that remained — all characteristically chatty — fell silent, and it wasn't unusual for the only noise to be that of silverware clattering against plates.

Asra frequently tried to start up a conversation, asking Nadia about the rebuilding of the Flooded District or the renovations on the coliseum, or tapping the table in front of Julian to get his attention and crack a joke.

Sometimes it worked, and the uncomfortable atmosphere would relent for a minute or two, and sometimes someone would even laugh. But then Julian would lock eyes with James, or Portia with Julian, and things would grind to a halt yet again.

One night, two weeks after that day in Gold Grave, the silence at the magic shop's crowded dinner table had gotten a bit too stifling, and Nadia opted to break it by broaching the subject of wedding planning, and how was it coming? James blinked, reaching blindly for Asra's hand, which cradled hers gently. Her eyes darted to Julian, and he could have sworn they were swimming with tears.

"It's going well," James began after clearing her throat roughly. "Asra's sent a letter to his parents, so they'll be cutting their time in Persephia short. They should be arriving a few weeks before the ceremony, hopefully. I don't have any family to invite, so I guess it'll be pretty small. You all, Muriel, Mazelinka. You're welcome to invite your family, Nadi — it'll help fill up a few seats. I can count on you all being there, right?" Her eyes flickered to Julian once more.

"Of course," Nadia agreed airily. "And my sisters adore you, I'm sure they would be thrilled to come. As would Lucio, but that's completely up to you."

James nodded slowly. "We'll talk about it. Julian? You'll be there? As a guest, I mean." The eye contact was painful to maintain, and Julian nearly shriveled up under it. He was at a loss for words, until Portia elbowed him roughly.

"Yes," he sputtered. "Of course, I'll be there." He paused, mind moving a mile a minute to make the quick decision. "Right beside you, if the offer still stands."

James studied him, and he could almost see the gears turning as she processed his words. Julian watched as Asra stroked her palm soothingly with his thumb, and he fought to keep down a bout of coughs and the flowers that would no doubt accompany it. "Thank you, Julian," James finally said, voice impossibly soft. "I'd love that."

Asra gave him a lazy, grateful smile, and Julian's heart jumped. A delayed reaction from James's gentle words, he reasoned. "It's getting late," Asra said with a glance toward the west window. "You're all welcome to stay, but I need to be up early to visit Muriel and Inanna." He stood, leaning down to press a kiss to James's temple. "I'll see you when you come to bed, love," he whispered. Not quietly enough, though, and the vines around Julian's lungs seemed to clench tighter. The surge of jealousy that ripped through him was overwhelming and terrible, and he covered his mouth with his arm as a rattling cough shook through his frame.

"Whoever leaves last, be sure you lock up!" Asra called over his shoulder, heading upstairs with one last wave.

A few more coughs tore through Julian's chest, and he felt Portia's hand pat him on the back as James watched him with a frown. "Are you alright, Jules?"

Julian nodded in lieu of an answer, looking down at his lap and scooping up the petals that had fallen onto the dark leather, tucking them into his pocket. Portia watched her brother carefully, trading a glance with him before speaking up. "He's getting over an illness. We're not sure exactly what, but he's had a nasty cough. That's why he missed a few dinners this month." Her words were clear and believable, but Julian picked up on the tension and anxiety in her tone.

James's brow furrowed, worry lines appearing. "That's awful. Any other symptoms? The air's been getting drier, that can't be easy on your lungs."

"Some of the groundskeepers are out sick as well," Nadia chimed in. "There might be something going around."

"I'm alright, no need to fuss over me. Just a cough, probably a cold." Julian stood, maneuvering his long legs out from under the table. "I should be going. Goodnight, ladies."

He made a beeline for the door, but James was right at his heels. "Jules!" she called, grabbing the door as it threatened to slam shut. "I'm sorry about what happened at the palace. I had no idea you were ill, and springing that on you must have caught you off-guard." She looked at him with wide, earnest eyes. "And it means so, so much to me that you'll stand with me at the wedding. So... I'm sorry, and thank you, and — oh!" She reached around him to open the door, gesturing for him to step ahead of her. They both walked a dew steps into the dimly lit street, and James linked her arm with Julian's. This wasn't strange. She usually insisted on walking him to Gold Grave after dinner, as though he needed protection. Though, he reasoned, if anyone could protect him from shadowed dangers, it was James.

"I wanted to see if you'd like to spend the day with me tomorrow." James grabbed onto his arm with her free hand, fingers toying idly with the metal snaps on his coat sleeve. "Asra will probably be in the forest all day, and Nadia and Portia have some kind of taste test for the wedding."

Julian looked down at her curiously. "Shouldn't you be there for that? Since it's... your wedding and all?"

James shrugged, and Julian tried to ignore how she leaned into the warmth of his body. "I trust Nadi's judgment, and it sounds like it'll be tedious. I'd rather spend the day with you. We can go to Red Street, or the theater, or the marketplace. We could spend the day at the cottage or the shop. Whatever you want."

The doctor rolled his shoulder, and James let go of his arm, putting a step of space between them. "I've missed you," Julian said gently, "but I don't think it's a good idea for us to spend time alone together."

"Oh."

The word hung heavy in the narrow alley, and the echo rang in Julian's ears.

"I'm sorry. I just thought... I thought we were okay now? I'm sorry. Asra said things would work themselves out if I apologized. I just want — I want things to be okay with us, Julian. Why are we not okay?"

"Wait, wait, Asra said?" Julian stepped back. "You apologized because Asra told you to?"

Head tilted, James looked up at him, neck craning. "He didn't tell me to do anything. I asked him for advice, and he offered a suggestion. He thought it was the best way to resolve this. Are you angry with me?"

"Oh, I'm sure Asra could give you some insight on that."

She crossed her arms over her chest and scoffed, incredulous. "So... what? You're mad that I asked my fiancé for advice? What's going on, Julian? What is this really about? Why do you suddenly have an issue with mine and Asra's relationship?"

Julian's eyes widened almost grotesquely. "Suddenly? You think the only two people I've ever loved can get engaged, and that my issue with it is sudden?" He flailed his arms in frustration, and locked eyes with a stunned James.

"Jules..."

"D-don't." He scuttled back a few more steps. "Don't call me that. Ask Portia or Nadia if they'll stand with you, because I can't do it. I'm sorry." He turned tail and ran, leaving James in the dust as her tears started to fall.