glowing. || julian devorak

part five.

"Good morning, my love," Asra mumbled sleepily, turning onto his side to drape an arm over his fiancée's back, nuzzling his face farther into her neck.

James sighed, rolling the stiffness out of her shoulders and turning to face her lover. "Mornin'."

Asra smiled at the sound of her voice before opening his eyes. The sight of his partner's red-rimmed, puffy eyes wiped his smile away.

The previous night had been long and full of tears. After Julian had left James alone in the street, she'd made her way back to the shop where Nadia and Portia had been pacing worriedly, debating walking the route to Gold Grave themselves to find her. When she'd stumbled through the door with silent tears streaking down her cheeks, the two women contained their fury long enough to walk James up the stairs to the bedroom, guide her under the covers, and lock up the shop. Only when Nadia had worked out how to arm the protection charms did Portia feel free to yell her head off about her idiot of a brother.

In their small room, James had lain beside Asra, shaking slightly with the effort of keeping her sobs silent. The slight jostling of their bed had been enough to rouse Asra, and his heart broke to see his lover fall to pieces beside him. He'd stayed up with her well past the witching hour, rubbing a soothing hand up and down her back as she caved in on herself.

Eventually, Asra had felt her breathing steady and had allowed himself to drift back to sleep.

Her tired eyes in the cool morning light told him that she hadn't slept at all.

"Darling..." He raised himself up to lean against the headboard, guiding James's head to rest on his chest. "Darling, please tell me what happened. I don't know how to fix this for you if you won't tell me what's wrong."

The witch twisted her head up to stare at Asra. His eyes were wide, earnest and sad, and the slight pout on his lips made James's heart twist. How could she do this to him? How could she make him worry for her like this?

"Please — please don't worry about it. It's nothing you should stress about."

Asra's eyebrows drew together in concern. He lifted James's chin with two fingers, guiding her to look at him directly. "James," he began solemnly, "there is nothing in the world that will ever, ever be more important to me than your happiness, your comfort. We've been a team for years, you can't be afraid to lean on me." He pressed a chaste kiss to her forehead. "So tell me. I won't break, I promise."

"It's Julian," she began, words spilling out without a second thought. "I thought we'd be back to normal once we talked, but he's still so angry with me. I can't even piece together what I did wrong." She blinked back the tears that threatened to fall. "I tried to walk him home last night, but as soon as I mentioned you, he freaked out. Everything just fell apart so quickly and I don't understand."

Asra wiped a tear away from the apple of her cheek, his head tilted in its typical way — I know something, and I'm just waiting for everyone else to catch on.

"What?"

He rubbed a gentle thumb along the soft patch of skin beneath the dark circles under her eyes. "It's not my place to say."

James reached up to grab his hand, halting its movement. "You can't do that anymore. You can't tell me that we're a team and then keep secrets. What's going on?"

Asra looked away, a light flush coloring his features. "I really shouldn't. I don't want to make anything weird between the two of you, or between us."

She let out a humorless laugh. "Things between me and Julian are terrible already, making it a little weirder won't really make a difference." She dragged herself into a sitting position, her knees steadying her weight on either side of Asra's thighs. "Please. Keeping secrets was always what drove us apart."

He looked up at her, a small smile playing on the corners of his lips despite the serious nature of their conversation. "Alright. I guess I never could say no to you." He let his hands drag up and down the curve of her waist before settling on her hips. "I don't think there's any use in tiptoeing around it. He's in love with you."

The cackle that left James was harsh and startled, but she couldn't help it. "Julian?" It felt like some kind of cruel joke. "After everything we've put each other through, after all the unflattering situations he's seen me in, how could you possibly think he's in love with me?"

Asra let out a soft laugh. "I can't believe you still can't see how incredible you are. All of us have been in love with you at one point or another." His thumbs traced small shapes onto her hips. "Julian and I just never got over it."

"That's different," James insisted. "Me and you have known each other for years. We loved each other before the deal and fell back in love on our own terms. We're soulmates, Asra." She had never doubted that. The giddiness she felt every time he touched her, the complete adoration in his eyes when he looked at her... No, she'd never been anything less than certain that Asra was her missing piece.

"You can have more than one of those, you know," Asra said gently. "And you knew Julian before the deal, too. He took care of you when I left Vesuvia, and I can't ever repay him for that."

James supposed that was true. She'd been through a lot with Julian. The search for the cure, her investigation into the Count's death, not to mention their dealings with the Devil. And they'd always had a connection, she knew that, no matter the lengths she went to to stifle it.

"It'd be okay, you know."

"Hmm?"

Asra grabbed both of her hands, intertwining their fingers. "If you loved him. It would be okay." The sun had just barely begun its ascent across the sky, and the warm glow brought out the deep violet in his eyes, soft and all-too content. "And — hey, hey, look at me — I know you love me. I'll never doubt that. But darling..." He looked up at her, at the way the liquid sunlight cast a halo around her figure. "Loving isn't a sin. It isn't a debt, or a deal. You can love without guilt, and you can love more than one person."

Burning tears welled up in James's eyes. It had never been something she'd thought about — had never allowed herself to. The idea of having everything she'd ever wanted... it was perfect. But she thought about Asra, a man so generous and selfless that he wanted to give her everything, and her heart felt heavy with guilt.

Asra brought their clasped hands to his chest, allowing James to feel the steady beating. "Think about it. There's no pressure, one way or the other." He guided her to lay back down beside him, turning to hold her loosely at the waist. "Sleep, love."

The tension melted from her body, but the strain in her heart kept her awake.