It hurts so much

Chapter 3

⚠TRIGGER WARNING⚠ Anorexia, Self Harm, Cutting, Suicidal Thoughts

<The next day>
Tubbos POV

Something was up with Tommy, I could feel it, he barely talked yesterday, and I'm getting worried.

I decided to call him, but when he picked up something was definitely wrong...

Tommy POV (earlier in the day, before Tubbo called)

I woke up the next morning again feeling awful, even worse than yesterday, I heard my mom call me down for breakfast, her voice sounded worried, so I knew I had to eat today.

I went down the stairs and said good morning to my parents, I tried to take the food up to my room so I could throw it away, but they insisted I ate it in front of them.

I slowly ate all of the pancakes on my plate, feeling sicker after each bite. After I had eaten all of the food, I excused myself quickly and ran upstairs barely making it to the bathroom before throwing up all that I had just ate.

I returned to my room and just lay on my bed staring up at the ceiling. After a few minutes of that, I started to cry. I realized that It had gotten worse. I hadn't really eaten in 3 days, the closest I had gotten was this morning and I had just thrown it all up. 

Why cant I be better? Why do I have to be like this? Why cant I be stronger?  Maybe I should just end it all... 

But then I remembered my family, and my friends, or my so-called friends. They hadn't really been my friends all week.. I knew I couldn't kill myself, but I had so much pain and anger inside of me, and I had to get it out somehow.

I then realized that I had subconsciously walked to my bathroom and picked up my pack of razor blades. It had been so long since I had last cut... and I missed the feeling so much. I slowly picked out one of the blades, hand trembling, and I pressed it to my skin. It hurt a little bit, but nothing worse than I had already done. I lined up the blade with some of the scars that had already healed since last time, and cut again. I felt the blood drip down my arm onto the towel I had laid out to catch it. The look of the bright red liquid on my skin caught me off guard. I hadn't seen it in such a long time and I reminisced in that feeling. I could still feel the tears rolling down my face, and my throat was getting all scratchy.

My phone rings. The loud noise shook me out of the trance I was in, and I quickly cleaned up the blood around me. I wrapped my forearm with some bandages I found in the cupboard before pulling on a hoodie and answering the phone. It was Tubbo.

"Hello?"

"Hey Tubbo"

"Tommy? Are you alright? You sound like you've been crying..."

"Oh its just allergies Tubbo, don't worry I'm fine."

"Ok" He said, sounding unsure. "Well do you wanna play some Minecraft with me and Will?"

"Nah that's ok, I'm just gonna relax today."

"Ok Tommy.. Hey feel free to call me if you ever need anything."

"I will Tubbo, don't worry about me."

"Ok, I wont. Bye Tommy"

"Goodbye Tubbo."

__________________

Hey guys! thanks for reading, I usually write these at around 2am so don't judge my writing too much. XD

If you or anyone you know is having suicidal thoughts, or you suspect that they are, here is the suicide hotline number.

800-273-8255

Call them. They can help you if you need it. The world needs you. You are worth it. You will do so much on your life. Do not end it.❤