Wanna Kiss Me Back? - NaNoWriMo Entry

Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Mitchel sat in his bed thinking how stupid he was to not tell Noel everything that had happened to him. What the hell was he thinking? It would not have cost him much to tell Noel that he was as cruelly bullying as Noel was but for a severely different reason. He kept beating himself up, knowing that if he had just overrun his walls for the one person outside his family that he actually trusted fully the night would have ended much better than it did. The night could have ended with Noel and Mitchel on good terms. Sure Noel gave him a small hug but it was half-assed and strained, even their mothers could see. Mitchel made Noel angry, forcing him to share everything before they go even go inside then not saying anything himself. Mitchel was still thinking of that moment just after Noel got up to call his mother, how many different actions he could have taken to make it better, and some that would have made it worse. The former plagued him for the rest of the night, taking him into a sleepless night of nightmares where  he went back to those elementary days.

He woke the next morning feeling worse than he had ever felt in years, his body weighing down on him, hard to move or control. He thought about skipping the day entirely, waiting out the impending storm of hatred from all sides; from Noel, from Ellie, from Jordan, from Niko and Dion. The worst was how bad he felt about himself, like everything he ever did was hopeless and everything he would ever do would amount to nothing but empty dreams, broken promises, and untouched wishes. He would have lay in bed all day if it had not been for his mother coming in, obnoxiously turning on the light and yelling at him to hurry up to get to school. He threw on his uniform and grabbed an apple to eat before walking out the door crabby and tired.

When he got to school he narrowly missed being stopped by his principals and made it into his classroom just before his teacher marked him absent or late, avoiding both easily. He slumped into his seat next to Noel, looking back and glaring at his two friends who gave his similar disapproving looks. He turned back to a quieter and less annoying friend beside him, who would not exactly speak to him either. At least he thought until sometime into the lesson, the teacher turned his back and Noel began whispering to Mitchel.

“Sorry about last night. I kind of left like I hated you  right?” Noel said. Mitchel gave him a side glance, seeing Noel fully turned to him, his hands in his lap and his eyes pleading. Mitchel turned back into his work, not so much angry at Noel but pitying himself for thinking that just because he made a mistake that his world was ending. He was really stupid.

“You have to admit that I had a right to be pissed though. I walked home with you in the cold and in the dark, giving you my life story in excruciating detail. That was hard to do; practically no one knows what has happened to me so for me to tell you that took all I had. Then you said you had something to say too and I expected more than that. I expected a story like mine but I have no idea why I would have or should have been hoping for a painful story. I do not wish that on anyone. I thought about how I decided to carry my experience with me all my life but my ex, when he was still my boyfriend, told me that he told someone and let it go. You have a different way of dealing that involves letting go of that pain.” Noel explained more for himself than Mitchel, though the self-loathing boy listened intently as well. “I kind of wish I had some of that ability as well. I would hurt so much if I could let it go. Anyways... Sorry.”

The rest of the class to two were silent but the tension throwing a wrench in their friendship had been lifted by someone willing to own up to their fault. Mitchel actually felt worse after Noel’s speech because it reminded him of everything he could not do: talk openly and show emotion. He had lost that. But he did not hate Noel more, in fact the opposite; he had more respect for him. That silence was filled with happy smiles and little doodles across the other person’s page that were fun and playful, much like the relationship between the two was. Mitchel looked back at Ellie and Jordan every once and a while to see them looking as if they were scheming then stopping as soon as one of the two noticed him watching. It made Mitchel uneasy to see them plotting something most likely against him. Especially when the bell rang and they both darted off before Mitchel had chance to turn back and talk to them. Then he turned back to see Noel walking away easily. He felt lonesome again.