INSANITY

Life.

I can feel it. I'm going absolutely bat shit crazy. My mind sinking lower and lower into the abyss they call insanity. I have a hard time differentiating what's real and what's an illusion at this point. I feel so on and off all the time, mentally drained.

Nobody talks to me anymore, all my friends left when they realized my illness was probably a forever type of thing and forever is a long shitty journey to be on with a mad man.

The only one who didn't dodge me in the halls was Alysa but by now I know it's just the sympathy that forces her to smile and say your everyday genaric greetings. If only things were diffrent...

I hate myself. I hate that I can't control my own mind or body. I hate how everytime I meet a person I have to question if they are in fact a real physical human being or if I'm just sitting alone talking to a figment of my imagination while everyone stares at the crazy person who talks to himself.

As I sit in my dorm room rolling my little glass marble back and forth between my fingers I think,
Why does whatever or whoever that runs this fucked up world want to drown everyone in the constantly flowing river of pain, agony, and struggles people call life only to kill us off.

Maybe I'm not the sick one, maybe the sick one is the psychotic thing some people call god. That's the one who really needs help.

My marble slips from my fingers rolling under my shabby wooden desk. I groan as I lean down to retrieve it tipping just enough for the wheels of my office chair to slip from under me landing me face first on my laminate flooring.

I quickly sit up only causing my disfunctional brain to get dizzy resulting in me on my back with a warm liquid velvet running from my nose trailing down my cheek to my ear.

So I lay here thinking about how big of a bitch life is. But how peaceful I feel.