Unsure Love.

Karen.

"Duncan you CANNOT tell anyone about this, not even Chelsea or Donnie or whoever the hell you talk to! I'm begging you to please not say ANYTHING." I could almost see the tears in Derek's eyes. I looked over at Duncan and saw his ashamed and almost sorry face. "I won't tell anyone. But you," he pointed his finger at me. "You better figure your shit out before Gwen finds out about this." He walked back to detention. Derek looked at me. With tears now running down his face.

3 Hours Earlier.

It's been 3 days since I went to Gwen's house. That basically means 3 days of hating myself. Today I didn't have time to talk to Gwen or Derek about anything because I had Surprise exams today. Right now I'm in the orchestra room all by myself practicing my guitar. School ended 2 hours ago but I'm still here. "Mind I if I stay?" I turned around to see Derek in the doorway. " How the hell did you even-" "Why do you ask so many questions?" I could feel my heart begin to pound. "Derek I have to talk to you about something..." "You can tell me after I kiss you." He cupped my face and kissed me. At that moment it was like the whole world disappeared. Like nothing else mattered. He guided me to the teachers desk, still sucking my face. He put me on the table and I got into a sitting position. I could feel his hand on my thigh. He started grinding against my lower regions and I could feel him harden. I broke the kiss to take of his shirt. I looked into his bright green eyes while feeling his rock hard abs. "Are you sure you wanna do this? If you wanna save yourself then I'll be glad to wait." "As long as I lose it to you, I'll be fine." I kissed him once again. He took off my shirt and started kissing my neck. I moaned as he bit down on my collar bone. I slowly opened my eyes to see Duncan in the doorway with his mouth wide open. I pushed Derek off of me and hurried to get my shirt on. "Duncan this isn't what it looks like." Derek rushed out of the room still half naked, not caring if any teachers saw him.

Now.
Derek told me that he came out to his family when he was in freshman year. But the way that he was so scared for Duncan to discover what had happened, something told me that he wasn't being honest with me. I walked back into the orchestra room and put my guitar in my case. When I turned back around I saw Derek standing by the violins. "Why did you lie to me?" Derek looked up at me. Still sniffling and trying to wipe away the tears he had just formed. "I didn't want you to think I was a coward..." "So lying to me would help? What would you do if I broke up with Gwen to be with you? What would you say? 'Sorry can't. I lied about coming out.'" "You don't know why I haven't came out yet! And don't pull that 'what if...' Shit because I know that's never going to happen. I didn't come out because of Karen." "The fuck is Karen?!" He sighed and walked towards me. "Sit down." He pointed to a chair and I sat down. "Karen was a girl who used to go here. She had a secret relationship with another girl and no one knew about it but her sister. Her sister promised not to tell anyone but then one night, Karen's sister and her boyfriend were talking and then the secret slipped out. He ended up telling the whole football and team and then the cheerleaders found out and then the whole school knew about Karen. The girl she was with denied ever being with Karen so she started bullying her along with the kids. She wasn't the first kid to come out. All the lesbians and gays were really popular so unless you had money, you were screwed. The bullying got so bad Karen started cutting herself. 4 months after the school found out she committed suicide. Her sister found her dead body in the bathroom with a bullet hole In her head. People still continued to make jokes about her even after she died. I don't want the same thing happen to us." I could feel my heart break in my Chest. "It wont. Ever." "I just love you so much." He started crying again. "I love you to." I hugged him tightly. "I don't mean to interrupt but we gotta get home mom is gonna be pissed." Duncan was standing in the door way with his arms crossed. "Right. I'll talk to you later." Derek got up and left. I hated myself. For everything. I felt like a coward. Lying to Derek about being a virgin. And lying to Gwen about not cheating on her. I feel like a dirty man whore.