What you don't know

SHAKING

jays pov:

my breathing was ragged and my thoughts racing as i struggled to process the information i had just received. i know it has been over a decade since i last saw erin, but i figured she would of told me i had a daughter. i have a daughter! i searched through my memory to the moment i saw the child, now a teenager. her hair was dark and curled, a mixture of ours, her eyes wild and untameable just like her mothers. sometimes i wonder what wold of happened  if i didnt walk out that day. she must of found out around then. she must have thought i wouldn't want the baby! i know erin has had a dark past, the shockingly horrendous events true. i knew erin had been abused emotionally, physically, sexually even! i was the only person she told that to. charlie had demanded a price for her safety, a price that led him to claim her body as his own. i shook with rage at the thought. my mind flashed back to something that happened a few months before i walked away...

flashback...

erins pov:

i lay in bed, peacefully dreaming of my life with jay in it and how happy i have been, when suddenly i felt myself being shaken and hit.  i imediatly curled into ha ball, taking it like i had with charlie. it was whe i turned around, however that i saw it was jay hitting and punchingme. for a mment i was in shock, when i realised he was asleep. i tried to shake him awake, but he wrapped his arms around my neck. i couldnt breathe, couldnt think. was this how i would die? everything became a dizzying blur as i began to black out... when sudenly, i was thrown from the bed, my back hiting the wall and my head falling to the radiator. i knew jay couldnt hep it. so i didnt say anything.

at the district...

voight called me and halstead into his office and we followed his orders, glancing into each others eyes in confusion, searching for answers. when we entered the room voight slammed the door shut behind us. "erin. you got anything underneath the turtle neck?", hank questioned, causing me to become flustered and confused before nodding my head and questioning him, why? he suddenly ordered me to take it of and when i protested he made jay. jay apologised, slowly pulling my shirt over my head. my black bra the only thing keeping me unexposed. i could feel their eyes on me, on the marks on my neck and the bruises on my stomach and breasts. i looked to jay, praying he hadn't figured things out already, when voight pushed into our visual conversation, "you do this to her, halstead?! you think its funny to beat up women!?", voight screamed at halstead as i pleaded with the two of them as hank grabbed jay and shoved him into the wall. 

*end of flashback*

jays pov:

that day had been one of the worst days of his life. was that why she hadnt told him? perhaps she was planning to break the news to him when he walked away from her, walked away from them. it killed him knowing she hadn't told him, but it broke his heart knowing he could have been the reason. "wh- why didnt you tell me?", i slowly questioned, still processing the new-found information. erin let out a soft sigh as she stared towards the floor beneath us. with another sigh she finally began to explain, "i knew you PTSD was getting bad again, and i know now why you left, but at the time it felt like you didnt want me anymore, it felt like you had been using me, jay. i trusted you and you just walked away, i left t protect myself. i thought you wouldn't want her, charlie would have killed me if i kept her so- so i just assumed...", she trailed off at the end, it was evident she was no where near ready to explain this to him, and it was clear she was still heartbroken, and he couldnt help the eruption of pain that enveloped his heart as he heard how rough her voice was and stared into her eyes, her mind in a far off place and her eyes betraying her, proving just how lost she was.