What you don't know

THE DOWNSIDE TO HOPE

jays pov:

if there's one thing ive learned since Erin left Chicago, it's that no matter how much hope you cling to, no matter how much desperation you have. hope always has a downside, mine was that she never came back. that was when i made my decision, if she wasn't coming back to me, then i would come to her. i know what I'll most likely find; Erin, happy, married or dating and with a family. i mean, its been 12 years since she left, and i would be lying if i said i didn't miss her for every second of them.

so here i was, on a plane to new York, on my way to visit my ex girlfriend from 12 years ago because I'm still in love with her. damn, what was i thinking? i already know were Erin lives thanks to ruzek, burgess told him. i may or may not have beaten the crap outa him for hiding it from me. her new apartment was bigger than ours had been, is; i still live there, she left some stuff and i couldn't bare the thought of leaving it behind, so i bought it for me to live in. 

i slowly stumbled my way up a long flight of stairs, how many damn floors were there?! regret and anxiety were eating away at me viscously, trying to convince me too turn back, but it was to late now, i was already here. i knocked quietly on the door, shocked when it immediately opened to reveal Erin. she stood in the doorway, her eyes widening in shock as she realised who i was. she had changed a bit since i last saw her, her long hair now cut to her shoulders and her hazel eyes filled with more pain and anger, but a little spark of happiness. her figure had also changed, she was still short an thin but her stomach stuck out a bit more and she had bags under her eyes as well as a scar up her arm that ran all the way to her shoulder. we stood there, taking in the shock of the situation and desperately trying to grasp at reality somehow like a pair of dummies. 

"jay i-", i cut her of when my lips found hers, only pulling away a few moments later to speak, "I'm so sorry Erin. i was a dick, a stupid fucking idiot and i just, I'm so so sorry. I'm sorry", this time the roles were reversed as her kiss cut of my words, only to be interrupted by the sound of rustling through the cupboards and a voice shouting,  much to my surprise, "yo mom. I'll head out, give you some time with another one of your one night stands", i turned around, walking inside to see a teenager standing in the kitchen, food in hand and staring right at us. she looked just like Erin. i was filled with even more shock however when Erin kissed my cheek and walked to the smaller figure, "cammile, no snacks until after dinner! and what i tell you about sneaking out, and your manners! and don't think i didn't see that eye roll young lady!", her rant filled me with even more shock. that was her daughter, i should go, really. i began to head out when Erin grabbed my arm, sent the kid to her room and gave me a sad smile, almost apologetic. "I'm sorry jay, i shouldn't have left in the first place. that was cam, my kid. and- and yours", she hesitated slightly at that part. i began to question everything... what the hell would i do now?!

authors note:

sorry for the short chapter. next chapter will be longer. any suggestions for any one Chicago fanfics let me know, ill write them.