Intoxicated

49 // goodbye

i still didn’t hear from you

since you last walked through my door;

the image of the back of your jean

jacket with your hands in your pockets

clouding my mind as you walked away

from something that meant a lot to me

but nothing at all to you.

it would be a lie to say i never think

of you, and the memories – happiness –

you gave me; even if, it mean nothing

to you.

memories of what we had still tickle

the back of my mind

reminding me of what i longed to

have, repeating over and over

like a love story marathon.

two months had passed since that

day my cheeks were bruised pink

while yours were bruised in pain

and regret.

i desperately wanted to be yours

to the point where i was beyond

pathetic.

i would love to have been in love

with you but in reality i was in

love with the idea of being in love

with you. in love with the idea

of being your she.

but deep down i refused to see

that- that person was someone

i would never be.

never will i regret the times

of keagan and landon,

however,

the only thing i will look back

and wish to change,

is the thought that i could have

filled her shoes and instead

of letting you break me

and use me like a dirty wash rag,

walk away from you before you

ever got the chance.

i’d like to tell people you were the

only that got a away and slipped through

my fingers but that would be a huge lie;

you can’t lose someone you never had

and you, landon, were never mine in

the first place.