behind the camera - zm

12

zayn
it was around two in the morning when i heard hard knocking on my hotel room door, i frantically got up and opened the door.
cara was in tears, she looked like she'd been crying for a while.
"what's wrong?" i asked, engulfing her in my arms and closing my hotel room door.

she had tried speaking but it was almost like gibberish, so i shushed her to try and calm her down. we walked over to my bed and i sat down as she laid in my lap, continuing to cry.
"do you want to talk about it?"
"n-no." she let out.
her grip was tight on me like she wasn't ever going to let me go. i hated seeing her cry, i didn't think seeing her like that would break me so much.

her cries were heartbreaking, i couldn't listen to them. she quieted down after a bit, still sniffling. i laid down, she held me close not wanting to let me go. i wiped the tears that were running from her eyes with my thumbs, kissing her forehead.

•••

i hadn't slept much, i would wake up every now and then worried that she was still crying but she was sound asleep breathing a bit hard.
her grip on me was quite strong, but my arms weren't around her because i hadn't asked and if i didn't ask her if she was okay with it i wasn't going to without her permission.

her eyes fluttered open then gave me a look like she was shocked to see that i was with her.
"morning." i smiled.
she turned away, looking at her phone and then looked back at me.
"do you want to-"
"no, please no." cara sighed.

cara
the reason why i was crying was because my thoughts were taking over my head.
what happened in the past doesn't have to happen anymore, no matter how many times i reminded myself it still haunted me.
it was scary, i always felt consumed by it whenever it was brought up.

i felt empty and i was so scared to admit how i was actually feeling, i felt like i was drowning.
"please don't go." i said to zayn, as he got up.
"i have work, we both have work c."
he tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, i made a sad face.
"i really don't want to today, please stay with me." i held onto him, i was being honest.
i felt safe and secure around zayn, i just didn't want to be alone since it might happen again.

"okay, i'll clear my schedule for you." he said, kissing my forehead.
"distract me please, my head is killing me."
"let's watch some movies." he said, turning on the tv and scrolling through the amount of movies on the tv.
"can i hold you?" he asked.
"yes, please."

he wrapped his arms around me and i watched the first scene of fast and furious five play through. it was a good distraction but i had butterflies for the first time ever being with zayn, it was crazy.
"you're not even paying attention." he teased.
"sorry, just a lot going on in my head."
i looked away from him, scared that i might slip up on whatever it could possibly be.
"what could be going on in that pretty little head of yours?" he asked, bopping his finger on my nose.

"the reason why i don't date, is because of my ex from three years ago. it was so toxic, i was mentally abused. it was so one sided, i got mentally drained from it and he'd just-"
my lip quivered and i covered my hand with my mouth, trying to catch the breath that i was no longer breathing.
"you don't have to continue." zayn said, taking my hand away from my mouth and holding me like i was a baby. he held me close as i focused on calming down my breathing, i could feel my heart crying because of how much it hurt to be talking about this after so long.

"you know i'd never let that happen to you again on my watch." he whispered.
"i'm so scared." i let out but didn't even know it came out of my mouth.
"i'm trying to help you not be scared baby."
the pet name made my stomach hurt, as if the butterflies were trying to escape and my cheeks were heating up.
"i don't know how to not be scared, i've been scared for the past three years."
i sat up and put my head in my hands, zayn's arms were still around me.

"maybe you can learn with me, you've done a god job so far. you don't seem scared whenever you're around me." he rubbed my back.
"because you make me feel warm and happy," he smiled at what i had said. "i like that feeling."