Hopefully, I'll Be Nothing Like Him (a UA Fanfic)

III

"Mum?" Luther called as Grace puts down the paper. Grace turned to face him.

"Yes?"

"Can you keep a secret?" Luther asked. "You can't tell this to anyone, not even Dad. Can you do that?"

"Sweetie, you know I'm not programmed to go against Sir Reginald's orders," Grace smiled at her son. "I'm programmed to obey him first before being a mother to you."

"I mean-" Luther doubted. Should he tell her? She might not rat him out immediately, but she will if Reginald asks. No, it's not safe. "Never mind, Mum. May I be excused?"

"I recommend you stay in the infirmary until lunch, it's only half an hour left," Grace fought. "You won't have the strength to run again."

"Ok, Mum-" Luther nods as he laid down the hospital bed again. Grace pats his head before leaving him alone in the infirmary, alone with his stupid thoughts. Again.

He was given testosterone shots and top surgery, not yet bottom. Grace hasn't even applied hysterectomy to him yet, neither complete nor partial. How can he not guess that this can happen to him? How did Reginald not remember? Or he might, he just didn't care. 1000 dollars is nothing for a billionaire. Damn, he wishes his siblings are here. He needs someone to talk about this to.

The question is, will they listen?

Allison would let him tell the full story, though he guesses that she'll be pressing for the next steps he'll take and help him figure them out if he can't answer. Vanya would let him tell the full story, she's his second favourite sibling after Allison. She'll listen without interrupting, not giving any advises but be emotionally supportive of whatever steps he'll take next. Klaus will listen well, he'll joke about it at first but his heart is always on the right track. He won't do anything to humiliate him. Diego would-

Luther sighed, thinking about Diego. Before Five's disappearance, they were best friends. He was closer with him than he was with Vanya, initially. But as he's Number One and Diego Number Two, jealousy took over Diego and he instead turned hostile towards Luther. What will he do if he tells him this? Diego will probably scoff and laugh at him, possibly even ratting him out to Reginald. But somewhere deep within him, he always wishes that the 'little' brother he loved is still there, that he'll listen without interruptions and suggesting him advises.

Such dreams that'll never come true.

Luther sneaked out the infirmary, heading to the one place where he knew he was impregnated in, the courtyard. Specifically, under the large tree. Luther doesn't know why, he should've avoided the place at all costs, but he somehow feels drawn to the place. To feel the dirt underneath him, the heat, how he remembers how angry Reginald was at his latest failed mission nine weeks ago. Luther remembers when Reginald choked him to this specific tree branch after yelling at him for his failed mission, causing Reginald to lose more of his sponsors. He remembers where exactly did Reginald rip his uniform off, where exactly did he kick him in the stomach, and-

As they say, the rest is history.

Luther starts punching the tree bark, hoping that somehow the punches will reach Reginald. Let him feel what he currently feels, shitty to the core. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. What will he do with a bloody tiny human? He can't even watch his temper sometimes, occasionally resorting to destroying himself. How can he keep his temper around a baby?

None of his siblings knows that he has a self-destructive tendency, that he nearly killed himself when Ben died, that he threw a shitfit in his room when Five went missing, when Diego moved out first, when Vanya moved out, and when Allison moved out last. Only Grace ever noticed as she found him hanging himself- and keeping it from his siblings. How he punishes his still-mortal body each time he messes up, how he's aware that he's torturing himself just by coming to this very spot. He barely can keep his temper together- how can he keep his temper together and raise a baby?

He needs to talk about this to someone, Allison would listen to him. Allison still keeps in touch with him.

He sneaked out the courtyard up his room, hoping that Reginald won't see him. Pogo wouldn't care, but Reginald definitely would. He opened the door to his room to see Grace, her hands holding the two familiar white sticks, a vacuum nearby.

"Mum?" Luther called, feeling dread in his heart as he can feel himself getting lightheaded, closing his room to ensure privacy. "What are you doing in my room?"

"These are your tests, aren't they?" Grace looked up to see Luther in the eye, the older teen looking away from his mother's eyes as he sighed defeatedly.

"Please don't tell Dad," Luther started crying, forcing himself to sit on his bed. Grace rubbed his back comfortingly as she lets Luther cry on her shirt.

"You know I can't lie to your father, Lu," Grace said as she rubbed his back. "I'm not programmed to do that."

"But you're programmed to be my mother too, right?" Luther rasped, his head still hidden with Grace's shirt. "Aren't mothers supposed to-" he hiccoughed. "Be there for her child?"

"I'm programmed to obey Sir Reginald first and foremost, be your mother second-" Grace kissed Luther's hair softly. "What if we make a deal? If he doesn't ask, I won't tell."

"Yeah."

"He's not a horrible man, you know." Grace shook her head. "He's a good man, a great man. He won't care if his son got pregnant."

"But he's the one who-" Luther broke out crying even more. "He's the-"

"Calm down, Luther-" Grace rubbed circles on his back. "Remember what I told you about managing your temper. Take a deep breath in," Luther took a deep breath in. "Hold, then exhale. Repeat it."

"He's the one who-" Luther took a deep breath in. "Did this."

"What do you mean, your father did what?"

"He's the one who got me like this-" Luther sighed, balling his fists. Grace tried to help him to uncurl them. "He forced me to do things for him whenever I failed missions or when he's stressed in general, and I got-"

Grace engulfed Luther in a soft hug as Luther cried on her shoulder, rubbing circles on his back as her shirt gets wetter and wetter.

She doesn't know what to say.