I don't know what just happened??? But here I am, accepting everything about him. Searching for him again... Thinking that I really need him! So much! I love him so much! Ganito ba talaga ang nagagawa ng love?
Well, I thought I already had a plan. Planning to move on and start again. I thought I was ready to let him go. But seeing him??? Just seeing him in video call, pano niya sabihin yung feelings niya sa pagiging cold ko lately. I mean, yes I still feel the pain, but maybe I. Maybe I was a problem in our relationship. Because I cant accept the fact that, every relationship is not the same. We're living in different stage in life. Maybe I am wrong in everything, my perspective... My choice... It's sad lang, kasi I think, kahit anong gawin ko. Kahit anong plano ko, parang walang patutunguhan. I don't know. Lately, I've been asking God
" Papa God. Kelan po ba ako sasaya? Yung totoong masaya?? Yung maiiyak ako sa sobrang saya"
I want to cry. I want to let it out. I want to shout! I want to to go to somewhere where I can just sit and tumitig sa kawalan. Gusto kong humiga maghapon magdamag ng nakatingala lang sa langit. Gusto ko kumain habang nanonood or nakikinig lang ng music❓❓❓ I want to be alone just for once in a place kung saan mabubuhos ko lahat ng pain na nararamdaman ko. Kung saan walang ibang taong maapektuhan. HAHA
it's funny right? My problem is just my relationship (nga ba?) samantalang yung iba problema yung araw araw na mauuwian. Yung araw araw na kakainin. Isa pa sa problema ko I think is. I was very open, yung tipong halos lahat ng makita kung mali or nakakaawang tao is pinoproblema ko how they fight para malagpasan lahat ng pagsubok nila sa buhay. Feeling ko sasabog na ako. I don't know now...
Gusto ko huminga. As in!
(Note: If you are tired, sad, stress or what. Don't just give up... Try to walk somewhere. And Breath)
Anyway... One day na lang yiheeee DAY OFF KO NA! and I'm planning to have a overnight sleep sa bahay ng isa sa kaibigan ko. I'm starting to enjoy life na eh. Kasi I always remind myself that, life is short. And I don't just born here to sit in the corner, be shy, without realising na THERE'S MORE. And that more is my target. That more is still a question that even me can't answer ha ha. I will do what I want and let God to do the rest.
Maybe doing something will lead to someone's heartache. But, hey! You only live once. And that once is very. Very, important... So please let's not waste our time. Wag niyo ako gayahin. Marami na akong nasayang na araw at oras.
May mga nawala, dumating at nag stay. May mga nagawa at may hindi. I don't know but pakiramdam ko na nag reregret ako in some of my ideas and choices.
Marami nanaman tumatakbo sa isip ko. Maraming plano. ULIT. Yees. PLANS AGAIN. Haaaays.
I know God knows my pain. I know he'll never leave me. He's always here beside me, guiding me to fight this battle.
Ano nga bang battle meron ako? Hahaha (battle sa puso at isip LOLS JOKE HAHAHHA)
we'll let me share you my dreams pala last night... 🥴 I don't understand bakit ganun na lang yung panaginip ko. I mean, ow my gols! Meron daw ako maliit na kubo, somewhere here in our place maybe. Then I'm planting different kinds of plants, especially flowers 😍😍😍 tapos may biglang kakaibang nangyari. I can't remember it. (totoo bang may connection ang panaginip sa ganap sa buhay??pls. Anyone? I want an a answer.)
I hope, sa mga susunod kong pipiliin sa mga choice ko. Sa mga desisyon ko this time. Sana, I don't have something to regret. Sana everything will follow.
🌻 𝓜𝓪𝓮𝓒𝓮
