Halcyon

Halcyon II

Yixing gave a wet cough as he pulled his jacket closer. All around him people moved quickly, pushing past him, ignoring him as they hurried to their destinations.

It was mid-May, but it felt unusually chilly this evening- people moved quickly to avoid the chill as much as possible. Yixing however moved slowly, sluggish and dazed. The wind would bite a bit at his hands and face every now and again, but the pain felt distant as his mind drifted.

His mind felt untethered from his body, as he stumbled and shuffled forward, his weak legs carrying him to some unknown destination. He felt torn open, he felt strangely exposed as he huddled down into his jacket and ambled through the crowded streets of Seoul.

There were too many people, too many sounds, too much of everything.

Feeling everything to the nth degree, highly sensitive to all the happenings around him- and yet on some level, he felt numb at the exact same time.

The dissonance left him with an almost unstoppable urge to yell out in utter frustration as his emotions confused him. Yet there was also the urge to simply stop, just sit down and stop everything all together.

These tumultuous feelings manifested in small twitches of his shoulders and frozen fingers every so often.

However, he did not stop, he did not yell out. He simply continued ambling on as his whole body began to shiver lightly.

'Why can't I do anything right?... Why can't they love me? Am I unlovable?' Yixing couldn't help but think over and over. The fuming face of Byun Baekhyun remained firmly in his sight even as he moved farther and farther from the dorm.

Within the last hour, he had landed in Seoul, gone to the dorms, been yelled at by Baekhyun, and had run away like the coward he was.

"Is there anything good you have ever done in your fucking life?! Because I would be surprised as hell if you had!"

Yixing flinched and huddled further into his coat.

Baekhyun's spiteful words continued to eat away at his soul as he moved farther and farther from the dorms. Over and over they echoed, and Yixing felt as though something was writhing wildly under his skin as he thought about Baekhyun and Exo.

With each step, with every breath of fresh air he took, indignation rose inside of him.

'I've been gone for months and this is what they have to say to me? I didn't even get to see Sehunnie and apologize...'

Just minutes ago, he had felt unwelcome in the place he called home, and in his shock and panic, he had run from the dorm, run from Exo. But now he almost regretted not staying and screaming right back at Baekhyun.

'What right does he have to judge me? He wasn't there when the CEO had called him into his office, when he had signed those papers so he could stay with Exo. Baekhyun wasn't there when YiFan had found the chemicals, had blackmailed him into lying for him! He wasn't there while I had to endure every godforsaken bath on my own. And- God, NONE of them were there for Sehun when he presented.'

Baekhyun had said Sehun and Jongdae were hurt by him? Yixing knew the past 2 years had been rough, but he wasn't sure Baekhyun could blame it all on him...right?

'Either way, they are grown men too- even Sehun's presented now. Why can't we ever seem to have a civil conversation anymore?' What happened to the Exo that cried when they left for China, who cuddled with him after practice? What happened to his pack?

'You hurt them- it's your fault. Just like Baekhyun said.' the dark voice at the back of his mind cut in.

Yixing flinched at the unwanted thought.