I was holding my favorite teddy bear named Yayen while looking outside the window, wearing my favorite pair of pajamas and breathing the fresh air from above.
What a beautiful view when you're at the top, looking at the setting of tangerine colored sun, with tall trees around and the sound of crickets that comes from nowhere. It's nice to have a room where you can see what's happening below. This view never fail to give me a relaxing ambiance.
It's the first day of April and I am waiting for Brine to come home. Walang nangyaring maganda sa akin simula nang makauwi ako dito. I felt there's no difference between the hospital and our house, I'm still a patient with or without IV.
Brine decided to go home everyday just to check me. He also hired a person that would look for me while he's not around, I preferred my personal nurse but I don't want to ruin someone's job for me. I'm not in the hospital anymore.
Napahawak ako sa bintana, dumungaw para makita ang na sa ilalim at ginawad ang tingin sa buong paligid. For me, the second most beautiful view is nature, and moon would always be the first.
I wonder how does it feel to explore beautiful places like beaches, running on the white sand where your footprints proved that you been there. Waking up before sunrise, pack your things, wearing your outfit and be ready to hike a mountain. Running and excited to take a bath in the rain. Have a roadtrip, raising freely your hands, laughing, singing and shouting out of your lungs.
I never experience it yet and I felt thirsty of adventure, happy moments, unwind myself from everything, outside the house and hospital.
The next two months will be my birthday and I'm turning 21, yet doesn't have any fulfillment and enjoyment in life. I wonder if Brine would agree if I ask him that I want to finish my course, para naman makalabas, just a gift for my birthday.
Bumalik ako sa ulirat nang marinig ko ang pagbukas ng gate, kasabay ng pagpasok ng sasakyan niya. Bumaba ako kaagad para salubungin siya.
Nang makababa ako ay kapapasok niya lang sa salas, he put his coat on the sofa, with tired sleepy eyes while pulling his necktie. He's draining his self from work!
"Hey!" I smiled radiantly. I saw how his expression changed when he saw me, the fake him.
"Kamusta ka? Masama ba pakiramdam mo?" he asked with a soft voice. Hinarap niya ako at tinignan ang kabuuhan, the usual Brine always do. "What do you want for dinner? Magluluto ako."
"Oh, don't mind me. I'm okay." smile never left my face. "My birthday is fast approaching."
He's still standing in front of me, naging seryuso na. "Malayo pa naman."
"Yes. But I was thinking about my studies? Do you think–"
"Yeah." he cut me out. "You can enroll and go back studying. Ako na ang bahala sa papers mo."
"Really?" my face brighten more. "I'm excited of wearing uniform again, with back pack and a pair of black shoes. I was also thinking–"
"Brave, hindi muna kailangan iyon." he let out a heavy sighed. "Magho-home study ka."
"I taught I will go back to school. Nakapag-umpisa na ako diba?"
"Oo. Pero mahirap para sa'yo. No one will look for you. Home study is much better, less tired and stress." halos pinal niyang sabi.
I remember when I started studying in college. Naging okay lang iyon sa kanya dahil nandyan si Aziel para bantayan ako.
But this sickness is a traitor that's why I dropped out all of my subjects, and instead of finishing my studies, I was confined in the hospital for being weak.
"Kaya ko naman alagaan ang sarili ko."
"The world is too cruel for you, Brave." he mutter, he became more serious at this point. "Hindi mo alam ang mangyayari sa'yo sa labas."
"How would I know if you keep on stopping me from what I want?" I bit my lower lip and force myself not to cry. "I'm tired of being sick. I want to be a normal person like other people."
It's almost a normal life in my grade school but I can't deal with my classmates that's why it became worst.
"You're a normal person and it's not your fault if you're born with that disease. You don't need to do everything to be normal. It's just.." he stopped and took a deep breath, holding his tears and avoid his gaze on me. "The world is so unfair."
I know he's thinking it again, our past. Why did Mama left us, why did Papa died, why I am suffering this. He's blaming his self again. It's a hell for him.
"I am doing this because this is the best for you, to avoid you from getting hurt, to save your life and to live more. I am doing this because I don't want you to die."
"All of us will die." it broke my voice, wiping my tears with my knuckle. We never argue like this before. Nakita ko ang pag-aalala sa mga mata niya nang makitang umiiyak ako.
We all know that, all of us will die. May mauuna, may mahuhuli. We don't know what will happen tomorrow.
"No one's holding my life." I said in between my cry. "Not me, not you, not even the Doctors, no one!" I can feel my body trembling because of different emotions.
I am sad. I am tired. I am disappointed. But I can't be mad.
"We don't know when will I die.." I wipe my tears and face him with a smile.
I need to be strong for myself. I have been through a lot of problems, suffers, sadness, pain, and I survived.
No one can save me from this sickness. So I'm embracing it as part of my life. I want everything to be memorable.
YOU ARE READING
A Rocket to the Moon
Teen Fiction"No one wish to be born sick. Everyone lives with freedom and happiness. But for a girl like me, who was born in the world with limitations and despair, everything is still possible, even reaching the moon to breathe." -Brave Jinn N. Velez
