Fall of the Packs: Void

Chapter Twenty-Four

Spring had come, and the forest was bursting into color. The green of the leaves, the yellow and pink of the flowers, the blue of the increasingly clearer sky. Life was flourishing all around, but Tinder's was only fading away. Sundae had all but confirmed that he had the same disease as his father, and regardless of whether or not it was the same, there was no way to treat him.

He had been confined to the healer's den for nearly a month now, and Minerva had been going to see him less and less. She hated herself for it, but she just couldn't bear to watch him wasting away like that. More than anything else she just wanted to believe that it wasn't happening and he would be fine.

But that lie was getting harder and harder to tell, and her fear grew with each passing day until late one evening, when she was about to go on sentry duty, Geo slowly approached her.

"He's asking for you," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "You need to see him. I... I don't know how much time he has left. I'm so sorry."

Minerva said nothing, slowly rising to her feet and following him in to the cave. She knew if she didn't go she would regret it forever.

When they entered and she saw him she felt a pain like a shard driven into her heart. He was lying in one of the beds, surrounded by his own fur that had fallen out. His coordination had only gotten worse, and his head involuntarily tilted to the side. Most of all, his eyes, his kind, gentle eyes held such a depth of weariness.

However, a glimmer of their former vigor returned when he saw Minerva and he tried to sit up. "I'm so glad you came," he murmured.

Geo quickly ducked out, leaving the two of them alone. Minerva closed her eyes. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I... I've been so selfish, not seeing you like this, I--"

"Shh," Tinder cut her off. "I understand. It's hard to watch someone you love hurting. I've had plenty of visitors. But I couldn't be happier that you're here. Please... come sit with me."

Minerva slowly padded over and curled around him, the lump in her throat preventing her from saying anything more. He leaned into her and she rested her head on top of his. She finally mustered the strength to ask, "Are you in pain?"

"No," he answered. "Not really. I'm just so... tired. I... I really feel like I could fall asleep and... never wake up."

"Stay awake," Minerva said, a pleading tone entering her voice. "Please."

Tinder slowly shifted so that he could look her in the eye. "I would, for you," he whispered. "I... just don't think I can."

Minerva gritted her teeth and stood up suddenly, pacing back and forth across the cave floor. "This isn't happening," she growled. "You can't just die like this, do you hear me? It's wrong! You can't... you can't... you can't leave me."

She stared at him desperately and saw tears welling in his eyes. "I promise you I don't want to. I'd do anything... absolutely anything."

Minerva looked away again, feeling tears of her own starting to well up. There was a deep hole of fear yawning in her stomach, causing cold to creep all across her body. I can't do this.

"Please," Tinder's voice came softly. "Come back."

With an effort, Minerva walked forward and sank down in front of him, pressing her head against his flank. She could hear his heart beating--so slowly, like it was barely hanging on.

"You're going to be all right," he said quietly. "Do you understand? You're strong and you'll make it through this."

"No, I can't. I can't do it without you."

"Yes, you can. I never lied to you. Things always get better."

"Not without you."

Tinder pressed his head against her. "I'll be waiting for you," he whispered. "I promise. I will never stop waiting for you."

Minerva couldn't respond as a sob racked her body. Tinder slowly laid his head back down. "Just close your eyes," he said, his voice now barely audible. "It'll all be over soon. You'll be all right. You'll be all right..."

She cried harder. She didn't remember the last time she'd cried. But her tears meant nothing, did nothing. He fell asleep and he was gone.

~

After Geo had come out of the cave, no one dared to go in for some time, not even Tinder's family. The moon was beginning to rise but Desert couldn't even think about sleeping. She at last resolved that she had to go in and check. She didn't have much hope for Tinder, but she had to see if Minerva was all right.

She slowly approached the healer's cave and peered inside. In the low light it was difficult to see, but she could just make out the form of Tinder's body in his nest. Minerva was embracing him, but she made no movement or sound.

"...Minerva?" Desert finally dared to ask.

The brindle she-dog stiffened at the sound of her mother's voice. Slowly, ever so slowly, she rose up. She sat motionless for several moments before saying, "He's dead."

There was such an emptiness in her voice that Desert felt her heart rend in two. "I... Minerva, I don't know what to say."

"What could you say?" Her voice kept its terrifyingly blank tone. "That you're sorry? That doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how you feel. He's still gone. He'll always be gone."

"I know exactly what this feels like." Desert took a step forward. "All I want to say is that I'm here. For you."

Minerva slowly turned to look at her, and the emptiness in her voice was mirrored on her face. "That still doesn't matter. You aren't him, and you can't bring him back."

"You just need time to grieve. Every dog does."

"Why should I grieve?" Minerva rose to her paws, turning away. "So I can recover? So I can open my heart again? No." Her voice hardened. "No. There isn't any point. They'll be gone too."

"You don't know that," Desert protested, taking another step forward.

"Yes, I do!" Minerva suddenly whirled around to face her mother, with a rage on her face that took Desert completely off guard. "Everyone I love dies! I dared to believe, just once, that it would be different. But I was wrong. I'll never make that mistake again."

"Minerva." Desert looked at her pleadingly. "I'm still here. You still have me."

"For how long?" Minerva retorted. "How long before you die too, and I have to feel this pain all over again?" She shook her head furiously. "You know, I don't even have anyone to blame? Not the healers. It wasn't their fault. He wasn't killed in battle. There isn't some animal, some Wind-dog I can tear to shreds for the satisfaction, spending my whole life looking for revenge like Draco. Life itself took him from me, because Siglitun forbid I be happy for once."

"Minerva, please," Desert begged. "You just need some time--"

"No." The coldness had returned to her voice once again. "I don't need any time. I understand it all now." She started walking towards the entrance, pushing past Desert when she tried to stop her. "Don't waste any more time worrying about me. There's no point. There never was."

She left, leaving Desert staring after her helplessly. She had absolutely no idea what to do or what to say. She prayed that this would pass, that Minerva didn't really mean anything she had said and she just needed some time to recover. But she had a terrible feeling, deep down in her gut.

Tears sprang up in her eyes, for more reasons than she could list. Just losing Tinder was a terrible blow, to the entire pack. But more than anything else, Desert felt that she had lost Minerva too, in a way that she never could have anticipated or protected against. All her life she'd only wanted to keep her daughter safe, and she had failed.