Fall of the Packs: Even Unto Death

Chapter Ten

Laurel finally stopped when she was far inside one of the tunnels and she collapsed, becoming aware for the first time of the tears running down her muzzle. As soon as she was able to form a thought other than run an overwhelming sense of guilt washed over her. Had she not just heard everything her packmates said? She was going back on everything that Earth Pack stood for. She wasn't facing death without fear and loyally standing by her packmates. She was hiding, like a coward.

These thoughts repeated over and over in her mind as she told herself again and again to get back up and go back out there. But she just couldn't. She could still hear all the sounds of the battle above, including the thud that signified when yet another dog had fallen. Whenever she remembered the sight of those dead eyes, she pressed herself closer to the ground, covered her eyes with her paws, and prayed that it would all just stop.

Laurel didn't know how long she hid for, she just knew that suddenly the ground started to shake even more, and then it slowly stopped. A group had run away. But was it the dogs or the wolves?

It was while before she was able to muster the courage to get up and go look. She slowly shuffled up to the surface and poked her head out of the tunnel entrance. By the light she could tell it had been a few hours. The wolves were gone. Dead bodies littered the meadow, and the surviving members of the packs were beginning to huddle together. Laurel swallowed and took a step out onto the meadow. Surely, some of her pack was still alive. She hated the thought of admitting her cowardice to them, but she really wouldn't have minded it as long as they were alive.

Tollum was the first one she saw. And the terrible reality hit her all over again. She couldn't bring herself to come close to him. Blood was streaked all through his black fur, and she could already tell from his eyes that he was gone.

She continued to walk forward, growing more dazed as she found more of them. She saw Flash, Pepper, Saxtus, Theran, Lycian, Rangval, Serena. All of them were the same: morbidly still, their eyes empty. Their bodies broken or torn apart, some of them still snarling even in death. But every time Laurel found another one, she told herself again, Some of them have to be alive. Even if it's just one. I just have to find them.

She told herself that when she found Spark, Digory, and Mortimer. She told herself that when she found Naaman, Flandor, and Marjoram, and Lacie and Verity. And she told herself one more time when she found River, Quake, and Cinnamon, all huddled together. River was on top of her pups, probably trying to protect them with her body. But they were all gone.

Laurel closed her eyes, trying to fight the tears welling in her eyes. There was only one more. He has to be alive. He has to. He can't be dead.

Walking slowly, like she was dead herself, Laurel wandered the battlefield aimlessly, searching for Cordan. She didn't know if any of the other packs even noticed her. They were all tending to their own dead and wounded. She wondered if any of them had noticed the sacrifice Earth Pack had made.

It was only a matter of time before she found him, and she had the final awful realization, but this time it didn't hit her. It slowly crept over her, like a chill seeping through her body and into her very bones. He was all alone, his head bent at an unnatural angle. Someone had broken his neck and thrown him away like he was nothing.

Laurel couldn't hold herself up anymore. She sank down beside Cordan's body, pressing her face into his fur that had already gone cold. "I'm sorry," she sobbed. "I'm so sorry..."

"Are... are you the only one left?"

Laurel froze and turned around slowly to see a brown and white she-dog standing behind her. She looked like a Storm-dog, but she had bright blue eyes, so perhaps she was a Frost-dog? Not that Laurel really cared. She nodded mutely in response to the question.

"I'm... I'm so sorry," the she-dog said. She had tear-stains on her own face as well. "I can't imagine what that's like. Do you... do you need any help burying them?"

Laurel felt her hackles raise. She wasn't sure why, but she felt rather inordinately protective of her packmates' bodies. "No. I'll do it myself. Take care of your own pack."

The she-dog simply nodded and turned away. Laurel forced back another set of tears and slowly set to work bringing her packmates back underground to the main cave.

It was long, exhausting work, but Laurel forced herself to not focus on anything else. By the time she had taken the last one back her legs were weak and her stomach was growling. Night had fallen and she hadn't eaten all day long, but she didn't really care. Earth Pack had a section on the east side where they buried their dead, so she continued to carry their bodies there, one by one, until they were all there, side by side. Then she pulled out the reinforcements and let the tomb be sealed.

Still wandering in a half-awake daze, Laurel returned to the main cave, now so painfully empty, and collapsed to the ground under the weight of her exhaustion and guilt. What did any of this mean? Who was she anymore? Certainly not an Earth-dog. She didn't deserve to be called that anymore, not when she had ran and hid like a coward. All of her packmates had died honorably, and now she was left, because of her own fear.

But I never was an Earth-dog. Not really. I only was because they took me in and raised me and believed in me. And how did I repay them? By deserting them.

She wondered how long she could lie there before she starved. Perhaps that would be for the best. She didn't deserve to live after what she had done. She didn't deserve to be all that was left of Earth Pack.

All that's left...

Another thought suddenly came to Laurel's mind. This is how Earth Pack will be remembered, Cordan had said. But they couldn't if nobody remembered them. Would the other packs? Would they care? Laurel would remember. She could never have forgotten if she tried. And maybe, just maybe, that was a reason to live.

Her legs trembling, she slowly rose to her paws and lifted her head. She would never forgive herself for running. But maybe she could bring something good out of her cowardice. As long as she was alive, the memory of her packmates and their bravery was as well. And one way or another, she could rebuild Earth Pack.

"I know there's no forgiveness for what I've done," she said out loud. "I dishonored every single one of you. But the rest of my life will be dedicated to Earth Pack. Every breath, every thought, every action. I wasn't strong enough to die for you, so I will live for you instead."