How It Should Have Been: Sokeefe AU

Episode 34: (Keefe's POV)

Before:

Sophie gritted her teeth. This was what had happened last time, with Fitz suspicious and untrusting. "Do we really have to do this again? Because if this is what's gonna happen, I'm gonna leave."

"Fine. Then you can go, because we need to talk about this!" Fitz insisted.

"Fine!" Sophie shoved down the part of her brain that knew she was being petty, holding her crystal up to the light and leaping away.

The tears stayed in her eyes until she got to her room.

He'd known.

He'd known that telling her... it couldn't end well. For either of them.

Her eyes burned like a branding iron pressed to his skull. They wouldn't leave him alone, following him when he closed his eyes, eating, trying to sleep, to draw.

That was all he could draw; eyes, staring at him from every direction.

They weren't all her eyes, though. Teal eyes were a constant, searing into his soul, wringing out the guilt that came with the truth. Ice blue eyes merged until both his parents were glaring, together but not, belittling his very existence. The eyes of his mentors, his tutors, the people who tried to guide him away from the person he used to cover up himself.

But through it all, her eyes sliced, digging deep, deep, deeper down.

The turquoise eyes he'd imagined so many times.

They were all he could draw, staring at his, accusing him, watching him, flaying him alive.

Keefe threw his drawing pad- the one she got him- away from himself, placing his head between his knees to fend off the dizziness overwhelming him.

This dizziness wasn't from hunger or dehydration (He'd snuck back into his house to grab more supplies; food, water, blankets)

This was from the overwhelming truth that Sophie would never love him and he had just irrevocably damaged his relationship with the only person who ever came close to understanding him.

The dizziness passed.

Keefe sat up again.

There was nothing he could do now.

It had happened. It was done. It may lie in his many regrets forever, but whatever happened, he had no control over it.

Keefe hated that feeling. The lack of control. He didn't want to control everything and everyone- no, people could make their own choices. But he hated not even being in control of his own life. 

Every decision was out of his hands. Every problem that he faced couldn't be solved by him. Only by someone else's choices could he ever solve any of his problems.

And Keefe hated it.

He stretched out onto the grass. It was very late, and the stars were twinkling above him.

Maybe he should try to get some rest.

His parents probably didn't even notice he was gone- no.

Keefe shoved the poisonous thoughts out of his mind. No use thinking about those things when they, too, were out of his control.

Because his luck was the absolute worst... it began to rain. And not just raining, pouring. Sheets of water poured down from the sky.

Keefe ran around, hiding his notebooks and paper beneath his waterproof jacket that he'd luckily remembered. When they were all safe, he opened his mouth, about to curse the rain with the filthiest words he knew... when he paused. Closed his mouth.