How It Should Have Been: Sokeefe AU

Episode 27: (Keefe's POV) (Possible Triggers: Being unloved, verbal abuse)

Before:

"He told me something was going on, but not what. Tell us!" Biana narrowed her eyes. "Are you sure it's not... you know?"

"Yes, I'm sure." Keefe swore under his breath again. "I guess I have to tell you, don't I."

It wasn't a question.

"Fine." Keefe hesitated for a long second... two... and then let it out in one big breath, almost too quietly to hear. "My parents are applying for a match-fail."

Keefe stretched out in the meadow, exhaling until all the air was gone from his body and his lungs burned. He relished the need for air, associating it with his need for love that had plagued him since he was five and realized that whatever his parents had, and whatever they felt for him, it wasn't love.

Keefe couldn't stand it anymore and inhaled, sucking up oxygen from the crisp air as he gasped for air.

No, his parents had never loved him.

That was clear with every reprimand, every neglect, every time leaving without saying goodbye. Every time his mother stayed her hand while tears slid down Keefe's cheeks, every time his father shouted and threatened and did his best to crush Keefe's spirit, he was reminded, over and over, that he was unlovable, nothing, a mistake, a failure.

And this?

This re-enforced that.

It was nothing new, of course.

Of course Fitz went over to apologize.

Of course Sophie forgave him.

Of course she would never love him.

Keefe squeezed his eyes shut as his imparter went off again. He didn't bother checking it; it would be Sophie or Biana, and he wasn't in the mood to talk to either of them right now.

The light burned behind Keefe's closed eyelids, or maybe that was tears. He forced them open.

Why was this a surprise?

Why was this affecting him so much?

Keefe had never been the type to think much about girls. He was much more focused on winning his mother's love, and when that failed, his pranks. It had only been last year, in fact, that he'd actually started to like Sophie for real. And this rejection... Why did he care so much?

She could make her own choices, and she'd obviously chosen Fitz. That was fine. Keefe was completely okay with that.

Why did he care so much?

Looking at this from a critical point of view, Sophie represented all the love Fitz had received that he had never had. This was one final insult to Keefe's pride, everything that others got that he had never known.

But that didn't help. Keefe liked Sophie.

A lot.

Looking at the source of these emotions didn't help one bit. 

But he could move past it.

He could move on. He could let Sophie and Fitz be happy, like Alden had told him. He could be her friend, but stop the flirting and hinting and all that.

He could move on.

Keefe stood up, suddenly realizing how dark it was. The sun had moved down while he had sat there, thinking, and he was surprised by how stiff his limbs were. He squinted at his imparter in the fading light: six missed hails. Sophie and Biana. He stretched as he got to his feet, readying himself for the insults that would soon come flying his way as he held his home crystal up to the light and glittered away.