rants/vents

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pfft haha me, pushing away everyone involuntarily and having the nagging feeling i'm annoying all my friends and then realizing i'm probably just annoying and i'm failing my classes and my mom keeps trying to talk about it and she isn't putting any pressure on me she's just being series about it and she keeps trying to be my friend and shit to the point where shes border line ignoring me and that sounds harsh but idk, i don't want her to be my friend or whatever i just want her to stop trying to be weird and just be my mom,

and like i love my friends and i don't want to annoy them bc i love them but i feel like it's just one sided and it's hard to express shit because in almost all my friend groups i'm supposed to be a cold hearted tough bitch and i wish feelings didn't exist and just didn't exist because i'm unsuccessful a failure and i hate everything fuck my fucking life and just end me please i want everything to stop and i want my friends to like me again and i want to actually do good in school and i want to just be better at everything and just be smarter and prettier and less annoying and agghhhhhh

i'm so sorry for the rant you don't have to respond honestly i don't want people to feel like i'm attention seeking because i swear i'm not trying to wattpad is just my only outlet for this shit and i tend to infodump sometimes about random shit no ones cares about and it's driving people away and this is all falling apart and i'm so selfish because there are peoooe who have it way worse and my life's pretty good and i'm very lucky for it but still

i just wish i didn't get angry and pissed off and sad and anxious about every little fucking thing and i sometimes feel like i need to get diagnosed with more hints such as adhd but my mom hasn't even told me my exact diagnosis with depression and i'm scared to ask and i don't want people to think i'm just racking up diagnoses i'm sorry thisbis suppose to end a bit ago

by the way i love you guys so much and i don't ever want to annoy you please tell me if i do i don't want to loose my friends

i'm sorry

i'm really really sorry

i think i might be taking a break from wattpad for a few days life is too much and i need to get my shit at least somewhat together

i love y'all, remeber to drink some water and take your meds if you have any