Pretend (ON HOLD)

Letting Go

I took a seat and sighed. I opened my mouth for something to come out, but tears just flowed. I sat there for what seemed like years just crying! I sucked it up and started:

"Hey Babes! I wish you were here! When I think of you, I think of Isa and when I think of Isa I think if you. You two I know for sure would be closer than any bond a man could have with a woman or a brother with a sister. By the way you reacted to her. Y'all definitely like y'all daddy. Is it true that no one knows you? Partially, because I know you know me and you know I know you. When I was in the coma it was you, the one who smiled. That smile is your daddy's smile. I tried to blame everybody including God and especially Myself for what happened. I'm left with no one to blame. I blamed myself for not being careful. Your father for not being there. God for not protecting me. I know it sounds crazy but that's what happened. I know that you are in a better place and that you are safe. It hurts to come here and talk to you because all I imagine is you actually being here and in my arms, but no no no Im sitting on your grave talking to you. You would be about four years old right now probably running around behind your daddy and trying to be just like him. And I think that he hurts too, but doesn't want to say it and wants to be strong for me. I don't know what else to say other than I LOVE YOU Ishmael Thompson we all do! Your mommy! 👄😘"

I got up kissed my two fingers and touched his grave. I walked back to the car. We drove home in Silence just as we came. Windows rolled down and wind blowing in our faces.

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Sorry that it is short! 😭😶😘