Twice Loved

Chapter 20: Olivia

I angrily scrubbed at the pot in the kitchen sink, trying to get all my frustration out before Mason got back inside and saw it. I'd been trying my best not to show him how angry I was, because I just didn't want to talk about it.

Noah had left, and while I understood that completely, not hearing a peep from him since the last time I saw him in the back window of our car pissed me off.

"Four months. Just gone! Can't even be bothered to let us know he's okay," I muttered as I swirled the scrubber in a circle in the bottom of the pot. I must've stirred too hard because as I brought the brush back towards me, it hit the side and splashed water all over my front. I drew in a sharp breath as I took in what had happened. I peeled off my shirt and crumpled it in my fist. Then, before I could stop them, tears were spilling down my cheeks.

And when Mason came in, it was to find me clutching onto the sink in just my bra and shorts, shirt on the ground as I sobbed loudly.

"Oh baby, no. Please don't cry." Mason's thickly muscled arms turned me around and lifted me up, encouraging me to wrap my self around him as I let it all out.

"I hurt Mason," I choked out.

A wounded noise escaped him, and I pulled back while trying to wipe my tears away so I could really look at him. His own eyes were watering, and I noticed the lines over his face that spoke of his own sorrow.

"Me too Olivia." His words broke the last of any restraint I'd been holding onto, and I cried for all of us. For Noah, who must be going through hell and possibly doing it all alone. For Mason, who was just as much in shambles as I was but I'd been too self-centered to see it. For myself, who had been unraveling at the edges every day that Noah was gone from us.

Mason carried me over to the couch and held me as I sobbed into him, as he shook in my arms with his own tears. We'd been so stupid to have been hiding what we were feeling from each other, for not noticing the pain the other was in. I don't know how long we sat there like that, but after I'd cried every ounce of tears possible for a lifetime I leaned back to really look at him.

"I think we should talk about this," he said in a rough voice.

I nodded. "Yeah. We probably should have right after he left."

"Maybe. Better late than never though. Now tell me what's going on in that pretty little head of yours Liv."

I cleared my throat, shifting a little on his lap to get closer to him while I spoke. "I'm confused. We haven't heard anything from him at all. I know he got back safely, because of the news on the radio at the store. But I'm dying here, thinking about how alone he could be. If he got his memories back. If he doesn't love us anymore."

My voice cracked on the last word, and Mason cupped my face in his warm hands, forcing me to look at him.

"Listen to me Olivia. You know that he loves you. He loves us both. He just..." Mason trailed of with a frustrated breath. "He's trying to figure himself out. Yes, it fucking hurts like our hearts have been torn out and trampled on by a stampede of rhino and then ground up in a little food processor and fed to wolves, but I'm betting everything I have that he feels the same if not worse."

"I know, you're right. It doesn't really make it any easier though."

"It's not really supposed to. This is what love feels like. You're on fire from how consuming it is. You float on clouds because it's like you've been dropped into heaven just from seeing them smile. You want to take away the pain from the ones you love because it hurts you both, and the fact that you can't do anything to help only hurts more. But I believe with every fiber of my being that Noah will come back. Once he's got everything taken care of, he'll be back. For now, all we can do is trust in him. And come to each other when it's too much to bear. I love you too Olivia, more than I ever have before. I don't want this to pull us apart."