What Now ⇔ Muke ✓

[20] He was sad

LUKE

Ashton knocked on my door early this morning, not opening the door but letting his voice filter through the thin walls, telling me that my mum will be coming into Greenwood in less than an hour. I didn't react immediately, continuing to lay on my bed under the layers of blankets, staring at the white ceiling and wondering what my life will be like separated from this small little town in the middle of nowhere. I've grown unhealthily attached to it. I've marveled in the way I wake up to the hot Australian and the fresh air, saying hello to Ashton and going to school to practice basketball with my team, then slipping into the woods to talk to Michael. I should have taken advantage of it when I had the chance, but now I am left with only the memories to course through my bloodstream.

Eventually, I forced myself to slide out of the warm embrace of my bed and walk over to the bathroom, where I stand now under the hot water, scorching my pale skin to a bloodcurdling degree but not having the energy to move away from the boiling water.

I run shampoo through my blonde hair that has grown a little too long to stand in its quiff- not that I have bothered to put it up in its normal hairdo anyways. I have begun to let it fall down on my forehead, brushing over my eyes instead of keeping it up with hair gel. I find I don't really care.

My hands, flushed red from the overheated water, reach for the faucet to shut off the shower. I twist the cold handle, letting the water trickle to a stop. I push open the door and wrap myself up in a towel, shaking my head to let the water fly away from my hair.

Walking out of the bathroom, I let my eyes skim over the bedroom. I don't have any pictures to pack or any belongings to gather considering I never actually unpacked from when I arrived. All my clothes are still in my large black suitcase in the corner of the room. I let myself walk over to it, bending down and digging around in it until I come up with a band t-shirt that may or may not be clean and my normal black jeans with the holes in the knees. I slide them on almost in slow motion, drying off my hair and walking over to the mirror, carefully sliding in my lip ring.

I look at my appearance and try to look past the dark bags under my eyes from no sleep and my pale skin from lack of Vitamin D. It's almost impossible, but I manage to do so just as a knock sounds on me door, the doorknob twisting open. I turn slowly to face the doorframe as it opens up, revealing a blonde woman much shorter than me, her eyes lifting to meet with mine.

"Luke." My mum breathes. My throat swallows up from not having seen her in so long. Her gaze slides over my body and I wonder what she sees, wonder what she thinks. She steps inside, walking cautiously over to me and wrapping her arms around my stomach, pressing her head to my chest. I don't know if she knows what happened, I don't know if she cares enough to ask.

"Hey, mum." I say, my voice cracking a little. Liz sighs, pulling away and turning to look around the room.

"You've already packed, that's good." She observes, and I don't bother telling her I never unpacked. My mum walks over to the corner and zips up my suitcase, picking it up for me before walking back to me, gesturing towards the door.

I follow her out the door of the bedroom, glad to be leaving it behind. It never felt like a safe spot for me anyway. The two of us travel down the long staircase down to the foyer, where Ashton and my aunt stand. They look almost uncomfortable, not sure whether to hug me or say anything at all, since I look more like a zombie than an actual human being.

Ashton is the first to step forward, wrapping his muscular arms around my thin frame delicately. "It was good to have you stay here, mate. You should come back soon, yeah?"

I don't answer, considering my answer would have been no. I don't want to come back. I can't. If I came back I would have to see the familiar woods that the river boy would hide in and I would have to go down to the stone and see how empty it is without him dangling like a fall leaf on the edge.