Uncertainty -Completely Rewritten-

Chapter 8

It was New Year's soon.

Hana and Uo were talking about it with Sage and Tohru. Sage pretended like she had plans and Tohru was just trying not to inconvenience anyone.

"It'll be great though, right? New Year's and then the next day it's your birthday, right Sage?" Uo asked.

"Yes. I've prepared a wonderful gift" Hana said.

"I tell you guys the same thing each year. There's no gift needed just so long as we can all hang out" Sage said.

"Aw, but that's no fun!" Uo said.

"Not my problem, no sulking on my birthday" Sage quipped.

"It's not your birthday yet so I'll do as I please" Uo shot back and Sage giggled.

"Tohru and I should probably get going, but we'll see you guys," Sage said.

"Yep! It's late! We should be getting back, you know!" Sage was alarmed by Tohru's attitude as she took Sage's arm and headed off.

"Tohru-" Sage suddenly realized...

Tohru's first New Year without her mother...

Sage bit her lip wondering how she could possibly help with that sort of pain but truly had no idea.

---

They were cleaning up for New Year's and Sage absentmindedly cleaning the windows upstairs.

Tohru came up and smiled, but it was forced.

"Shigure said it would be okay for us to stay here," she said. Sage gave a smile and nodded.

"Sounds good," she said and got back to working on the windows.

As they all sat down for dinner Kyo and Yuki ultimately decided they would stay behind for New Year's.

Sage opted out of the conversation. She stayed in the kitchen trying to stall for as long as possible.

She just kept thinking about Tohru. Sage would sometimes visit the Honda household for New Year's but usually, she would just stay home.

Tohru did all the talking, convincing Yuki and Kyo to go rather than stay behind.

Sage did walk in as Yuki explained that attending the New Year's party would result in them being away until January third.

"Hm... you'll miss it then..." Sage muttered. Nobody heard her, most likely for the better anyway.

Tohru realized she'd left the bathwater running which probably wasn't doing her any favors in terms of setting their minds at ease as they departed for three days.

"I'll watch out for her" Sage promised. "It'll be okay"

"But-"

"Sohma, trust me," Sage said. Yuki nodded.

"Okay," he decided.

---

Sage and Tohru had never been awkward before. If it were any other day they'd be fine. Sitting in silence the way they were would be perfectly okay, but New Year's was hard on the both of them.

Sage's brain was screaming at her to say literally anything.

She couldn't even think of one thing though.

Sage took a breath, about to speak her name but then Tohru spoke first.

"Hey, Sage, do you think I could have the room?" Tohru asked what kind of friend would she be if she denied Tohru this request.

Sage squeezed the brunette's hand and nodded.

"Of course"

Sage headed outside, for the time being, she walked out from the porch to that little pond that Kyo got thrown into when Kagura visited. She sat against the tree just beside it.

The light of the house was nice. But as Sage recapped her last year or hell, even the last four months... things had really changed.

She wanted to smoke so badly and she couldn't go back inside. Tohru said she wanted the room, but maybe she really needed Sage there. Maybe she just didn't want to cry in front of her blonde friend but Sage was conflicted because she could feel she should be there but she was asked to leave.

She's always done as she's told she doesn't know any other way of living and it's hard for her to think about doing anything else.

She's obsessive and reckless, she's impulsive and stupid and she can't even think straight if she has the urge to light up a cigarette and kill herself faster than life already does on its own.

She's losing her mind and for the love of everything, she just wanted to see-

"Sage!" She looked up seeing Yuki running toward her. He was out of breath, he must've run all the way from wherever he might have been.

"Yuki..." She whispered.

He was on his knees in moments, he held her face in his hands. He used his thumbs to wipe away whatever tears had begun to slip from her eyes.

"Why... did you-"

"Well... I've heard that fireworks scare you... and that your birthday is tomorrow and you didn't tell me" suddenly Sage knew that Yuki had a run-in with Hana.

"Yeah... I'm sorry" Sage said.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," he said. He helped her up.

"Come on, before that damn cat breaks the table or something" Sage giggled and when she saw Tohru she smiled and the brunette stood up and hugged the blonde.

"Sorry for pushing you away" Sage hugged her back.

"It's okay" Sage assured.

Sage ate with Yuki, Kyo, and Tohru.

Sage was glad things were turning out well. Yuki made sure to keep away from any channels on the TV that displayed loud noises, though the TV was turned down anyway.

When the phone rang Tohru went to answer it and then called Sage over. It was Uo.

"Sage how are you doing!?" Uo asked.

"I'm doing good, I'm eating, Tohru can testify!" Sage relayed.

"Tohru?" Uo asked.

"She's been eating every day!" Tohru confirmed happily.

"Good to hear!" Uo talked with Tohru and Sage for a while before hanging up and the two girls returned to the table.

The group headed up to the roof, Yuki helped Sage up and they watched the sunrise.

"Alright, we only have one shot for a New Year's wish!" Tohru said. Sage nodded.

The blonde clasped her hands together and closed her eyes.

I wish I can move past my trauma and experience love. Healthy and safe love.