Inside my soul : a book of poems

A letter for my mawmaw

Growing up wasn't easy.
Taking care of me and my sister probably wasn't in your plans.
Losing pawpaw has been hard.
Seeing you this way is even harder.
You're here physically but mentally you're gone.
Not completely gone thankfully.
It hurts that it took you a few minutes to realize it was me.
That's when I started regretting things.
Like not paying more attention to you.
Not realizing that you were getting older.
Not realizing the pain you were in.
Taking for granted all the things you did for us as kids.
And I'm sorry I wasn't a better kid.
I'm sorry that I use to tell and scream when I didn't get what I wanted.
I'm sorry I was selfish.
I'm sorry I never really took the time to say thank you.
I never realized how great everything had been until we lost it all.
Now look at us.
You're in a nursing home.
Basically bedridden it would seem.
You have to use a walker to get around.
And I just miss you every single day .
I remember things like.
How you would make breakfast every morning and dinner every night.
I didn't realize until I got older how hard it must've been for you.
You always made the best biscuits.
What I wouldn't give to go back in time.
To change the way I was.
Through it all though no matter  how many tantrums my sister or I threw you loved and cared about us.
No matter what was going on you were there.
Honestly I can't thank you enough for everything.
I know it's gonna be hard to lose you .
And I know that I am going to miss you.
I really don't wanna say good bye.