spencer reid one shots

(a) illicit affairs

warnings: cheating

the bed felt Cold.

it felt like no matter how loudly your heart was beating,

you were Dying.

when would the hurting stop?

when could you move on to Denial, or Anger or for God's sake Acceptance?

your breathing felt heavy in your chest as you rolled over to look at the phone laying between the sheets.

should you call?

the angel and devil argued amoungest themselves, making a list of Pros and Cons and finally deciding that the Cons far outweighed the Pros.

when your head felt like it was about to explode you heard a knock on your apartment door. it was Him.

you could tell by the soft knocking and the slight jiggle of the doorknob.

"y/n?" a voice asked.

you didn't answer.

"please, it's been-" he cuts himself off, "we have to talk about this."

you weren't expecting water to rim his eyes as well, so when you cracked the door a peep and saw the salty tears on his cheeks it made you open it more.

"please go, spence."

that nickname, God, you wished it would leave your head. you wished he would leave your head.

"baby, we have to talk about this," he shifted his weight awkwardly.

"don't call me that."

"can i come in?"

you huffed and threw the door open, stomping across the apartment to your bedroom and throwing a slam through the flat.

you felt the breath leave you as your body slide down the door and hiccuping sobs escaped you no matter how you tried to keep them down inside your chest. below your heart where nobody could reach them, but of course He could. He'd been there for so long. living in your heart.

you felt the door push slightly against you and you knew He was sitting on the other side.

"you don't want to see me?" he asked.

"not really, no."

"y/n, i," he began. you could practically see the way he was looking down at his hands, crying. the way his nose was crinkling when he was thinking, trying to recall memories, "i'm so sorry."

you sat.

Silent.

you knew that killed him but he didn't say anything either.

you had so many questions that you didn't want the answers to.

Why?

why her?

When?

when it did start?

Why

why did you still love him?

you felt the pressure on your back cease and heard him stand up, opening the door as gently as he could while you closed your eyes. he stepped around you quietly and sat across from you.

you pulled your knees close to you hid your face there while you sat in silence, the only noise was the sound of tears hitting the hardwood floor.

you peeked up to see his tears and in a moment of weakness scooted closer to him and reached up to his cheek. your thumb rubbed the tears into his skin and you felt the soft stubble beneath your hand. he hadn't even shaved.

"i hate seeing you cry."

"i hate seeing you cry."

when you pulled your hand away he quickly reached up to grab it.

his hands were warm. just like they always were. they were big and protective and made you melt. your hand instantly felt safe. your breathing slowed.

"i'm so sorry," he repeated.

"i know, spence," you sniffled.

"i read so many books and articles and pieces of literature that i sometimes feel like i won't be surprised by how something feels, but nothing could prepare me for how it feels to lose you."

"spence-"

before you knew what happened you could taste and feel familiarity on your lips.

you melted, kissing back.

"it will never happen again," he quickly pulled away, almost begging, never letting go of your hand.

you know.

but it didn't make it Hurt any less.

sometimes you still felt like you smell Her perfume on him, even though you know you couldn't.

"she left," he whispered.

you looked at his curly hair flopping in his face.

"it was the worst thing i've ever done," he gulped and you could hear his voice begin to break.

"i miss you," you breathed and rushed into his arms, hugging him as tight as you could.

"i'm so sorry," he sobbed.

i'm so sorry

hope u enjoy! follow me on tumblr @/spncersreid <3 clementine