New Perspective

TV Static

TW // Dissociation panic attack and eating disorder

Tommy's POV:
Everyone expects me to be this loud extremely confident kid with thick skin. But that's just not true, that's just the persona I put on for the internet and my friends. Nobody knows the real me and that makes me feel so incredibly guilty, like I'm lying to everyone. Its not like they'd care anyway, they'd probably think it was some stupid bit.

I decided not to stream today thinking it'd probably be bad for my mental health. My mum knocks on my door telling me lunch is ready ~you don't need to eat anymore you're already fat enough you fucking freak~ "that's alright mum I'm not very hungry right now"

I boot up my PC trying to drown out the horrible thoughts consuming my brain and see that a bunch of my friends are playing among us and are looking for another player, I shoot Phil a message asking if I could play along to which he replies "sure mate". I join the game and quickly switch in to my cheery online persona. "ELLO EVERYONE" I shout as I enter the call receiving some "hi's and hello's" I chat with tubbo for a little while and then the game starts up, I mute my mic and I start doing my tasks. I go down to admin and am immediately killed by Scott and he self reports. In the meeting they all brush it off and fundy even says "thank you to whoever killed him now we won't have to deal with him in the meetings!" Everyone agreed with him and just voted skip but I was to busy listening to voices. ~see they never cared about you, they all hate you and wouldn't care if you were gone~ I immediately shut down my PC and just stare at the window.

I don't really know how long I was staring at the window but I was pulled back into reality by this loud noise. Then I realize, it's me, I'm hyperventilating I grab my face and feel tears "when did I start crying" I stand up and my vision goes dark and splotchy I look in the mirror and see bruises?? Under and around my eye is red and purple. "Did I do that?" I fall to the ground and everything goes white and all I hear is TV static "what the fuck is going on?" I regain my vision and make my way to my bed when I feel something wet on my lips, I put my fingers to my mouth and look at them "blood? My nose is bleeding" I grab my phone and see loads of notifications from Tubbo and Wil asking me why I left so suddenly and if I'm okay. ~they don't actually care Tom~ "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I look at my wall and throw my fist into it. I don't end up doing any damage to the wall and just end up hurting my hand. I fall into my bed and get a call from Wil.

"Tommy are you alright you left kinda so-" "I think I'm insane wil."