what i write, is my mood.

borrowed time

"i wish i was her."  you dreamily said while staring to both of them. but the tone of your voice doesn't tell a wish it was you, because you own his heart once.

and then the sadness appeared in your eyes as you didn't put your eyes away from them.

the hopelessness just added more brick to your wall that covers up all of your emotions you've been keeping to yourself after the what happened to the both of you. as a couple who loved each other turns into a strangers who walked past by each other everytime the both of you crosses the same path.

you blink for couple of times and looked away from them and continue typing on your laptop. you wanted to focus on your story you've writing, but the memories still lingers in your mind that kept you distracted. by taking a deep breath, a sign of frustration; you closed your laptop and taking a sip from your coffee while looking outside. good thing you were sitting beside the window glass, because you couldn't take yourself looking at those two who were talking, laughing, and being so fucking clingy. so clingy that they could just fuck each other on that table. her words, not mine. 

frustration is what your mind thinks and sadness is what your heart feels. and you just couldn't take it but to finish drinking your coffee and leave the café and go home. it was supposed to be your "me time" and your "meditation time" but the calm and refreshing atmosphere just fucking turns out into toxic atmosphere that you'll be suffocated so you had no choice but to leave the place. i told you,
her words, not mine.

the trees, people, and the buildings you walk passed by, the memories of you and him, walking around, being silly, being clingy, and you still felt how romantic that was before. its still lingers.

as when you were almost at your house, you halted, and a good peripheral vision you had, you saw the park both of you used to stand by or to sit in, even to play around on a mini playground.

"why did i still felt everything we've shared? why did you gave this kind of absence? i never wanted it."

and you felt a warm liquid streamed down through your cheeks, and you can't stop it until you just broke down in tears. silently. sobbing hard, having a hard time to breath because those memories are slapping your mind continously and you couldn't also stop it.

the sorrow, emptiness, sadness, hopelessness slowly embracing you. so you didn't twice but to run back to your house and locked all of the doors and going straight to your bedroom and cuddled yourself with your favorite comforter because that's the only thing that can keep you at ease and calm.

but the usual betrayed you. you're still crying, you're still absorbing the pain over and over again.

"thank you for the borrowed time. but fuck you for making my life miserable."