think.

-three-

{Daniel}

How come I feel so lonely? I have Oliver, and I wasn't lonely before today. I feel a longing for something that I'm not aware of. I don't have anything I want. I have no desires, well except for that cigarette on my desk.

I rub my eyes as I sit up grabbing my phone. 4:58, christ why am I up so early. I don't need to leave until around seven. I decided to go downstairs and grab a granola bar and a bowl of cereal. I grabbed my remote to my TV and turned on some random anime I started about a week earlier. My phone buzzed and I saw a text from Oliver, this text gave off very excited twink energy.

Oliver 5:01- I HAVE GREAT NEWS:))))))

Dan 5:01- And that is?

Oliver 5:04- I found a boyfriend and he is so sweet and hot and loving and OMGGGGGG. I'm so excited ;).

oh.

Dan 5:15- That's great:)

Oliver is offline

What the fuck? Why do I feel like this, I've never had problems with jealousy before now. Granted, there hasn't been anyone to be jealous of. I probably just have some subconscious fear of Oliver leaving; he is my only friend after all. I suppose this is just something new that I will just have to get used to.

I locked my phone and went on with my food. Then I started thinking about school and how I wanted the day to go. Soon enough I was pulled from my thought by my mother calling for me to go down and talk about the previous day.

I like my parents, I do. They've always been there for me and supported my dreams when the school didn't. They helped me get into extra art classes outside of school, helped me join a poetry club, and they were accepting when I came out as gay to them. They also got me a guitar and lessons because I've always wanted to learn. We have our ups and downs, specifically me and my stepfather, but I still love him regardless. They have a hard time understanding my taste in certain things and my mental health. They have come to terms with my addiction because of my mom's previous addiction. They have been helping me overcome my slight coke addiction, which I greatly appreciate. It's nice to have parents that care and support me. They treat Oliver the same since his parents aren't the best. He's never been abused by them, but they've never been all that accepting of his taste and sexuality. My parents have adopted his at this point, he is one of theirs. Oliver loved my parents, and they feel the same towards him. He spends the majority of his time hanging out with me at the park or here at my house. His parents do ask him to go home sometimes, but they understand that he doesn't like the environment. They've accepted it and know how they feel compared to him and allow him to live his life.

¨So, Dan, how was your first day of school?" my mom said while making herself some eggs.

¨It was pretty good,¨ I grinned,¨Oliver and I have all but one class together.¨
¨Thats great sweetheart, are you good to drive today?"

¨Yep, I'll leave in a few,¨ I grabbed my bag and a pack of cigarettes, "I'm gonna go smoke on the porch."

"Okay hun, have a good day." I kissed her on the cheek before stepping out on the porch.

After a cigarette and a half, I go back inside and put my boots on. I jog down to my car after grabbing my keys and texting Oliver to be ready. He wanted me to take him today.

As soon as I pull up to Oliver's house I see him stepping out. He had some baby blue, ripped jeans on with white combat boots. He has a white tank top on with a see-through, floral cardigan. His hair was curlier than usual and he had a small bit of makeup on. He skipped over to my car and threw his bag in the back grinning.

¨Hey!¨ Oliver said with a toothy grin

¨Hey," I chuckled as I drove off,¨someones happy.¨

¨Of course," he blushed, ¨im excited to see Phil!¨

¨Ah is that the boyfriend." I said with a little less pep.

After that, I went into a corner of my brain and everything else was toned out. I had no idea what Oliver said when we parked in the lot behind the school. He just seemed excited when I came to, so I just said something about being happy for him and grabbed my stuff.

I feel bad because I want to be happy for him. He's excited and I should be too, he's my best friend after all. I don't know what's gotten into me as of late. Normally, when he's excited about something, I put in the same energy because I'm happy he's happy. I don't know, but I don't need to be trapped in my head all day.

We step out of my car and I see Oliver light up when that kid in art class steps out of his, what I assume is his parents' car. He grabs his bag and skips over to the sidewalk to walk in with this kid. I was a bit confused considering that we saw that kid, for the first time, a couple of weeks ago. I turn to grab my things and made my way over to Oliver. He turned around and waved me over as the other kid smiled at me again.

Wait, this is the kid that I thought was cute. I forgot what he looked like until now.

I step onto the sidewalk and greet the boy.

¨Hey, I'm Dan.¨ a lazy smile comes to my face and I stuff my hands in my pockets.

¨Hi, I'm Phil,¨ He seemed pretty excited to be talking to the both of us, ¨now, I'm going to be transparent, I've been wanting to talk to you guys for a few days now.¨

¨Wait, no, why?¨ Oliver responded with his cute voice he does when he's concerned.

¨I guess I felt like you guys wouldn't like me.¨ He chuckled awkwardly. Oliver grabbed his hands and reassured him of otherwise. For some reason, this made me feel very weird and almost upset.

We walked into the building and went to my locker where I stored another pack of cigarettes and a lighter. Phil seemed a little concerned and uptight. I rolled my eyes a bit at this. Oliver smacked me softly when he saw me.

¨Phil, we aren't going to get in trouble,¨ Oliver said chuckling, ¨We've been doing this for years now.¨

Phil smiled awkwardly shuffling in place. It was kind of cute the way he was shuffling and the look on his face was funny. He seems innocent, which in turn means he is a freshman. If he isn't, I will be quite surprised. After grabbing my things, we went to Phils' locker and I got a good look at his outfit. He had plaid, yellow, cuffed jeans with leaves stitched on the cuff. His shirt was black with a dead sunflower surrounded by sparkles. His jacket was a boring white jacket that was quite large on his body. He had black converse with bees on them on. I liked his outfit, it suited him well. He grabbed a sketchbook, pencil case, binder, and a charger out of his bag and hung it up. His sketchbook was covered in stickers and had tabs through it that seemed to label the art inside. I also saw the sketchbook that we got in art in his bag before he put it in his locker. To say I wasn't intrigued by the fact that he does a lot of art would be a lie. I really wanted to see his art. I feel like art can reflect someones true feelings and thought perfectly. 

Before I could even think about it, the words escaped from my lips.

"Can i see your art?" 

Why did I say that, and with such ease? I never talk out like that. I suppose I'm just interested. I'm not all that sure, but its fine I think.

I was pulled from my rambling thoughts to Phil's approval. 

"Absolutely." He grinned from ear to ear as he handed the sketchbook over. 

All I could think as I opened it was 'this is what it looks like in his head?'