yes, i am starting out with a triggering issue. i know people struggle with self insecurities and just to let you know, you're beautiful the way you are. don't compare yourself to others. everyone is different and have flaws of their own. those flaws make them beautiful. your flaws make you; you. and you should take them for granted. there's people out there that admire those flaws you have.
anyways, sap is insecure here. i don't see many with him being insecure. i will take this down if people find it offensive.
before some of you come at me, please read below the story about what i have to say about him.
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y/n's pov:
i unlocked the front door of sap and i's house. i set my purse and keys down on the counter and walked into the kitchen to get a bottle of water. i hear my boyfriend sap saying something, or it appeared to be. i'm not sure. i set the bottle down and head upstairs to check on him.
what could be going on? as i get to the door, i lean my ear against it and listen. it sounds like muffled cries? i open the door slowly and shut it behind me. there in his chair, is sap crying. he had his elbows placed on the desk as he sobbed into his hands.
i walk over to him and place my hands on his shoulders softly, "what's wrong love?"
he shakes his head and continues to cry. i frown and rub his shoulders gently. sap doesn't like that and shoves my hands off of him and stands up.
"why do you love me!?" he yells, facing the closet that's in the room.
"what?" i ask confused.
honestly, i'm confused. he was fine this morning when i left for work, or at least i thought he was...
"why do you love me!?" he yells again, whipping around to face me,
"why!? i'm nothing and you decided to date me! all i do is stream and make inappropriate jokes! how could you fall in love with someone like me!? why!? i sit at a desk all day and pay no attention to you! you beg for my attention and i never give it to you! you ask to go on dates and i say no because i don't want to disappoint my fans! i literally do nothing for you and this relationship!"
i look into his eyes as his meets mine. i can see the tears running down his face. i can see the blood shot eyes. but, behind those red eyes, i can see how hurt he is. something has been building up in him for awhile and now he's releasing it. so much pain and sadness and anger...
"sap..." i say softly, tears prick at my eyes. i don't like seeing him hurt.
"no, don't 'sap...' me! i don't wanna hear it! i wanna know why you're dating me! i've been an absolute dickhead to you and you have enough courage to stay with me!? what the hell!" sap pauses, taking a deep breath in and lets it out,
"i look like this when you could be dating someone better than me. you could be dating someone with a better personality too. why did you choose me when there are better options out there? why? specially when i look look this..." all of it comes out as soft and pained.
all the tweets, comments, donations, and dms that sap has ever received, comes and hits me in the face. all those comments, have built so much up in him that he's just saying it... after all these years, he finally says something.
"sap," i say softly as tears flow down my face too, "you are nothing but loving. don't call yourself a dickhead when you aren't. you know you aren't and so do i. yes you may not give me your attention all the time and you may not take me on dates that much but i'm fine with that. you know why? because at the end of the day, i can proudly say you're mine. i'm the one that holds you at night. i'm the one that showers and spoils you with love and affection.
i don't have to worry about what you're doing because i know you're here at home waiting for me. i don't have to have courage to stay with you when i'm in love with you and i wouldn't want to be anywhere else that you're not." i say, all my bottles emotions spilling.
i take a few steps forward to him and stand right in front of him. sap avoids my eyes and looks to the side.
"but i'm not good enough for you..." he whispers.
i gently rest my hands on both sides of sap's face and turn him towards me. i need him to look at me when i say these next words..
"you are more than enough. you're an amazing person that has done nothing wrong. i love you because you're nothing that i expected to receive. you know everything that has happened in my life so when i was at my lowest, guess who came into my life. you, you did. you swept me off my feet and stayed by my side when no one else was. we have gone through hell and back together and because of what you see in yourself, you think i'll break up with you? well you're wrong. i'd die before i did that. you mean too much to me.
you're perfect the way you are to me. i wouldn't change a damn thing about you. every part of you is fucking flawless. i see nothing obscure about you. from your personality to your looks, there's nothing wrong with. i see perfection and i love it. there's nothing wrong about what you look like. the people that comment those things to you, are the fucking dickheads. they're nothing but assholes that have nothing better to do. you're handsome and loving and i wouldn't have it any other way. and personally, i would rather have a teddy bear than a stick.
so please, don't say those things again. you're perfect the way you are and i will fucking throw hands with anyone that hates on you again. it literally pains me to see you hurt baby. i love you so so much." i say as even more tears roll down our faces.
sap rests his forehead on mine as he sobs. we stand there for what seems like hours. seeing sap hurt, kills every part of me. he puts on a tough face everyday for the fans but when in reality, he's hurting the most. all those comments build up in people so one day, they just have to let it out, either alone or with someone. but all honestly, it's better to let it out and just let it happen then to let it keep building up.
i open my eyes that i didn't even know that i closed and stared at sap. he had his eyes closed with tears streaming down his face still. i wipe the tears away and hold his face in my hands.
"you're perfect the way you are, okay? i love you so much and to see you like this, hurts me more than anything. but i'm glad that you took it out on me." i whisper. pulling him into a hug which he gladly accepted.
we stayed there for a bit until he pulled away a little, wiping more tears away with his sleeve.
"thank you so much baby." he says softly, looking into my eyes.
"you're so welcome but it want you to understand those things. i mean all of them, every single word."
"and i love you too. i don't know what i would do if you weren't here with me. but please do one thing," he eyes softening even more, "please never leave me."
i sweetly smiled at him, "i would never think of doing so."
sap pulled me into a sweet and desperate kiss. all the sadness and anger fading away slowly. we both pulled away after a bit.
"let's lay down and sleep sweetheart." i whisper, pulling him gently towards our bedroom.
he nodded and followed me into our room. we both kicked off our shoes and crawled into bed not caring about our day clothes still on. i laid on my back as sap laid his head on my chest and wrapped himself around me, arms around my waist and legs tangled with mine. i smiled and kissed his head. we both relaxed and i played with his hair as we both started falling asleep.
"i love you, sap." i whisper.
"I love you too, y/n." sap whispered back.
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this is not meant to be hate or body shaming in anyway! sap is an amazing person and he shouldn't be getting hate about himself. if he can't fix it within 10 seconds, don't say it at all. he's fucking gorgeous the way he is. if i see any hate comments, i will throw hands and that is a threat i'm keeping till my grave.
other than that, i hope everyone has a good day! love you all!! <3
