Losing My Mind

1 - Illeah

I pick up my huge suitcase and try to extend the handle that had somehow gotten stuck years ago. I growl at it and stuff more clothes into the gap between the two zippers. If it won't cooperate then neither will I. Except thinking about it now, I probably just made it harder for myself. But who cares? I'm going to my new school tomorrow! I have most of my stuff packed already. I can't believe it. I got into the best school.

The school of Tampering and Tinkering. 'The STT' as most people call it.

I'm living at school in one of the dorms, but I don't know who I have as a neighbour or who I'll have to share with or anything. I fish through the small hole made by the two zippers not quite connecting and feel something cold and hard on my fingers. I pull it out and realise it's a picture frame. Somehow a photo of my dad had been put into my bag without me noticing. Oh dad, I think. I wish you were here to see me off. I sigh to myself and tuck it in further, for protection.

Spinning around, I look for anything else I might need. My beautiful orange carpet that had once been stained with raspberry and chocolate was now rolled into a skinny sausage in the corner of my room. The walls that I had decorated with stickers before I knew how to talk were now scraped off and painted over with a thick white paint.

Erasing all memories from the room, as if I hadn't existed.

That's what it's supposed to be like anyway. You can still see evidence of me walking through the room without cleaning my shoes or from when I put a boiling hot saucepan full of boiling water on the floor, burning a little ring into the wood. But those memories aren't going to be there forever, at least, not to me.

About two weeks into the school year you have to receive a type of injection that erases all memories of home life before the school. They say they're doing it for our own good but I don't think it'll do anyone any good to forget everything they had ever known. Practically the only memories you're allowed to keep are the ones about knowledge and learning, like going to school and learning 

I hear a metallic sound from the kitchen and I know my mum had gotten mad at the breakfast robot again. That's what our school does lots of, making random robots that do random things, except ours has been broken for years and we haven't had enough money to get it fixed. I hold back a miniature breakdown as I realise I'm not going to remember any of these moments after the school takes my memories, but I know it's a huge achievement to make it into the school. I need this. I need the money so when they give back my memories after school ends I can earn money for my mum.

My memories won't just be gone, but so will half of my life, and there isn't anything I can do to avoid it, except to not go to school, but that's definitely not an option. I shudder as I imagine the needle piercing the skin on my shoulder and stealing my life from me. That's the one thing I'm not looking forward to at all. That, and the homework loads we'll be getting. Even new kids still get homework. And there aren't any age limits in the school. To be clear, I'm turning 15 in March.

So if I was going to a normal school, I'd be one of the older kids in the grade, but I'm pretty sure there aren't any grades or years in the school, only different classes. I hope I get into a good class, because you get judged by who you get stuck with, and image is important when starting at a school like STT. 

"Illeah? Come downstairs and eat something!" My mum called from the kitchen. She's trying to act like I'm not going forever, except I guess if I could prove myself, I wouldn't be gone forever. At STT, if you either graduate with above 3000 points, whatever they are, or if you manage to win the huge competition at the end of each year, you get a chance to go home and get your memories back, permanently.

I think the competition this year is to win the round robin car racing championships, in a hand built car. No manuals or robots to guide you and no stealing ideas, though I'm sure that people steal ideas from everyone else anyway. When you're smart enough to get into STT, I guess rules don't really apply. But I'm going to follow every rule I'm given. I need to win the competition, or the points, but I have no idea how the points system works.

"Illeah! Now!"

"Coming mum!" I say back to her. I pick myself up from the floor where I sit next to my suitcase and I put away the brochure I have in my hands. My eyes glaze over and I imagine myself in the new school halls, walking through a crowd of people, all who want to get a glimpse of the new girl. But I really need to get a reality check. No one would care that I joined the school. It's not like I'm a celebrity or anything. I'm just a little kid who somehow got into the best school the world has to offer. My gosh I'm so excited!

I'm brought into the school by a very colourfully painted robot with about a thousand different necklaces. People stare at me as we walk by, some whispering and others pointing. I ignore them and keep walking. I have no intention of making a fool of myself on the first day. Though I'd probably just do that during the tour if not now.