Not Here

Passing by the cashier, I see two couples in the corner of my eye. They seem like they are watching me. Their eyes burning through my skull, melting my brain. I imagine my nose, eyes, and mouth dripping with blood. I hold my daughter close to me as the image went away. "No one is watching you don't be so pathetic. He is not here he doesn't know where you are How can he send someone to stalk you.", I take a deep breath. One, two, three, four, five..... I can hear my kids in the distance fighting. I walk toward their voices and yelling to them to keep it down I'm coming. As I take a step toward the Idle feet steps come from me behind me. I can hear one step to another step as they got closer. My neck became stiff I could not turn to see they were too close for comfort. Feeling warm arm on the back of my neck, my heart aching to jump out of my chest. I force my body to turn. Nothing. "Oh my Gosh, Im losing it". "He is not here, "I say again. I pull my kids closer to me as we walk toward the front of the store. 

On the car ride home, the kids were singing their favorite songs as loud as they could. The feeling of small flying enters my stomach. I started humming along with them. This was so much better than the overwhelming aggregation of my own thoughts. As we arrived home, the kids took off toward their rooms. 

Emily was fast asleep in my arms I laid her down for her nap. I stare at her red hair and freckle skin. She looked like him. James always had always been beautiful the day I laid my eyes on him. His blue eyes drawn me in they were like magnets. I saw his eyes when they turn a dark gray when he was angry. They were no longer kind but demon-like he was no longer there he was a body without a soul. He put fear in be like no other. I would be so scared to move are say anything out of the way. When I did he make sure to punish me for. Locking me into rooms, calling me cunt are bitch spitting on me are pushing me to the ground. I knew I had to leave but knowing him he knew I was leaving. He took that day off from work. He takes the battery out of my car. Most of my things were in a storeroom before I got up the next morning.

 Gridding my teeth. Tears ran down my cheek as the memories come tracing back. "Why Oh God why did I stay so damn long." A loud creak from the outside the door made my body jump out its skin. What do you need sweetie my voice creaking? I felt a warm liquid come up from throat when I saw a figure of a man in the contour of the door. He whispers, "I find you."