Disturbed

Chapter 8(Christian's POV)

This chapter contains some descriptions of violence. Viewers' discretion is advised!

(From a recorded interview session with Dr Thelma).....

If there was another life before this and we were all just reincarnated, I wonder if our past lives affect our present lives. I wonder if they seep into our consciousness from time to time.

If there was truly a life before this where my sister was alive, then she must have been an actress. She'd be the type who takes on the roles of the vile female—sweet as honey but more poisonous than a serpent's bite.

When we were little, she would cut my hair when no one was looking, remove my chair so I'd fall when I tried to sit and mess up all my toys. I was always the weak one while she was strong. Dad always thought she was superb. She was like the son he wished he had.

If we both got gifts and she felt mine was better, she'd destroy it. If she noticed I liked something, she'd take it away.

She was such a horrible person but no one ever thought so because she had the most innocent smile and face.

I could never understand why she was so horrible to me even though we were twins. I mean, we both lived with our parents. We'd watched our father smack mom around from time to time while growing up. We heard her tears in the middle of the night when she thought everyone was asleep. We even saw the bruises on her arms.

Weren't we supposed to stick together?

Us against the world?

I could never understand Caitlin or her hatred.

At first, I told tales! I told everyone how horrible she was but no one believed me. Every time I ratted her out, I paid the price.

In school, she joined others to bully me and at home, she was worse. She never let me smile or have anything good.

When she saw me feeding birds in the garden, she captured them all and tortured them to death then showed me their bodies with their heads severed off. For weeks, I had nightmares about headless birds attacking me.

In school, whenever I made the mistake of getting a better grade than she did, it always ended in tears. When the teacher commended me one day in class, she poisoned my labradoodle with the mushroom when we got home.

Billy was never really smart. He died the next morning.

Do you know what it's like to live with a monster?

I had no breathing space. I could barely breathe without getting hurt or bullied.

Being in school was horrible because everyone picked on me and tossed me around. Being at home was worse because I was either being kicked around by my father or by my sister.

My life was basically a living nightmare.

That is until that day.

I don't want you to think I'm a bad person but I'm glad she's dead.

And do you know what makes me happier?

I'm glad I'm the one who ended her life.

She deserved to die and in the most painful way possible.

Yet for some reason, I can't stop seeing her blood on my hands whenever I sleep. Every night, I watched the blood flow out of her head.
I watched her beg me not to let her die the same way I had begged her not to kill my birds, the same way I had begged her not to kill my dog.

It was so ironic.

I killed my own sister.

My own twin sister.

Yet I don't regret it.

Or do I?

As for those bullies who were there?

It was very unfortunate for them.

They were her friends and her minions.

During lunchtime one day, one came up to me in the bathroom. He told me he had always liked me and would be nice to me if I allowed him have his way.

He touched me, Miss and forced me to touch him too.

They all deserve it don't they?

Then why do I feel so horrible?

I never wanted to hurt anybody!

Yet I have!

The guilt is eating me up.

I just want to die. I want to close my eyes and stop existing.

I wish I had never been born.

I was scared to meet anyone after what happened. I couldn't tell them what I had done to my sister. I simply couldn't.

I tried to ignore the thoughts but I just couldn't escape. My mother heard me scream in my sleep every night. She'd never been very brave but the thought of me dying as well terrified her enough to make her stand up to my dad.

She took me to a shrink every week because she wanted me to get better. I did feel better.

Then dad showed up.

He was furious. He screamed at me and told me how disappointed he was. He even screamed at you and you were trying to help me get better.

That night, I heard mom scream over and over again as he hit her. He always bullied her because he knew she'd never fight back.

I wanted to go to her. I wanted to make him stop but I couldn't. I was too afraid.

At the end, I fell asleep listening to her sobs.

I know I'm not a really good person. I know I deserve all the terrible things I feel for striking my sister that day. I know I don't even have the right to complain about how awful it's been since she died.

But do I really deserve all of this?

Do I really deserve to be sad for the rest of my life?

Do I really deserve to live with the guilt?

Do I really deserve to be kicked around and bullied because I'm too scared to stand up to my bullies?

I wish it could all just end.

I might not be the best person but I really don't deserve this, do I?

#M.M🖤💀