Kaito On The Second Floor

Chapter Eight

It all started because of a project in our last year of middle school. I was the typical kid who didn't want anything to do with his classmates, simply because I didn't know how to really engage with them. Usually for projects, if I was assigned to be partners with practically anyone really, they'd make it clear they didn't want anything to do with me, get the work done, and we'd never speak again. Simple as that. But it was different when I met Nanase. We didn't know each other, he was the popular kid every girl wanted to date, even boys wanted him. Our teacher picked groups based on who he thought would be the most compatible, apparently, putting the introverted one and the popular one together was a good idea. 
But to my surprise, it really was, at first at least. 
Nanase was always kind to me, he never let me do all the work and when we split the parts we had to do, he made sure he did his part and we worked together to put it all together. I'll admit, I can see why all the girls, and boys, wanted to be with him, he was the ideal boyfriend anyone would want really. Apparently, no matter how many people confessed to him, he never accepted anyone's feelings, he had never been in a relationship. Now don't get me wrong, I personally thought middle school relationships weren't "real" relationships, but even I thought he was missing out on having anyone he wanted. 
Even after the whole presentation was done, and in the gradebook, we still continued to speak. After school or sometimes during class-time, he'd make time to talk to me our ask how I'm doing, even though we weren't as close as he was with some others, we were still friends. It was rare, but sometimes we'd even hang out after school. After a bit though, I started developing feelings for him. The thing about Nanase, was that he was a pretty, touchy person, he wasn't afraid about giving hugs or putting his arm around people, so whenever he put his arm around my shoulder, I'd get flustered. Eventually, my sister started realizing I was acting different, then she found out about Nanase, and how I had a crush on him. She was quite surprised, not because it was a guy, rather because it was rare that I'd ever have a crush. I never planned on confessing to Nanase, since I thought he was just going to reject me like he did with everyone else, I figured it would be better to stay friends.
However, one day after school, he asked me to meet him at the park that was down the street from our school, usually, if he wanted to hang out, he'd name a place and we'd meet there, but this seemed, different. Of course, I still met up with him at the park, he was still wearing his uniform, so I knew he had come to the park right after school. I still remember the exact conversation, his exact words, as well as mine. 
"hey, you said you wanted me to meet you here?"
"hey, yeah," he patted to the spot next to him on the brown bench, "I wanted to talk to you."
Usually, when you hear your parents say, "I want to talk to you", you have this tight feeling in your stomach, thinking you did something wrong, even if you really hadn't, that was the same feeling I had when Nanase told me that. 
"okay," I sat down next to him, and put my bag next to me. "what did you want to talk about?" 
He didn't look at me for a bit, he just looked up at the dark sky, it was supposed to rain later that day, but he seemed so calm. When he finally did look at me, he laid his head on my shoulder. Fourteen-year-old me was obviously flustered and didn't know what to do.
"w-what are you doing?" 
"I like you"
"wait what?"
He looked at me while resting his chin on my shoulder, "I said I like you" 
At first, I thought my ears were playing tricks on me. The Nanase, the one who rejected almost everyone who confessed, was confessing to me, the introverted kid no one wanted to be around. 
"I like you, too" I whispered. He smiled but didn't say anything for a bit. Maybe it was because, we were both new at this that we didn't know what to say or do. We then agreed to go out the following Sunday, I for one, felt like I was on top of the world. Butterflies filled my stomach as I walked home that day, Yui noticed how 'mushy' I was and asked what had happened, when I told her, she was happy for me. For once she acted like the sister who talks about crushes with her friends or siblings and gave dating advice, that was the first and only time I saw her that way. 
Sunday arrives and fourteen-year-old me was as nervous as I could get, I wasn't sure if I should dress up casual or more on the dressy side, after all, we were just going to the movies. Yui suggests that going more casual was the safe way to go. The movie theater was only a five-minute walk, so it didn't take me long to get there. When I did, Nanase was already there, when he noticed me, he waved and walked over to me, "Eiichi! Hey!" 
"hey Nanase," I look down at my clock, it was five minutes before the time we had agreed to meet up, "we're early"
"yeah," he said with a slightly embarrassed smile, "I was kind of nervous, so I got here early to try and cool my nerves"
I couldn't help but give a small laugh, "it's okay, I was nervous too" 
We walked into the theater and looked for our movie. The rest of the day was a blur, it was fun, but as far as the 'date' went, it mainly felt like another one of our hangouts.
It didn't stay like that however, the more and more we went on dates, the more they felt like dates. By our 6th date, we became a couple. We hadn't gone further than holding hands (on dates since we still weren't completely open about us going out at school yet) or a small kiss on the cheek. But by the end of our 7th date, we had had our first kiss, it was simple and short, but to me, it was special. We kept our distance at school, we wanted to make sure we wouldn't do things that would make it obvious that we were together. Eventually, a rumor started to spread that Nanase and I were going out. Apparently, someone had seen us in the Ivy place, a spot that was common for couples to go in Tokyo. At first, we were both hesitant. What were we going to say to convince people that it wasn't what it seemed like? After a bit, Nanase thought of it as a way to both come out to people and be openly dating at school. I didn't think it was the best idea, but I trusted him, so I agreed. It didn't take long for the news about us dating, some people shipped us and thought we were 'cute together' and others didn't like it so well. At school, depending on our class, we'd sometimes walk to class together and he'd hug or give me a small kiss on the cheek before I went into the classroom. 
Everything was picture perfect, that was until we had been dating for four months. We began to fight more and more and Nanase became more violent, not physically but verbally. When I did something he didn't like, he would scream and shout at me. I thought this was how every couple was, how naïve I was. The fights never lasted more than one or two days, but they were frequent, one fight lasted a whole week and we kept our distances at school, of course people asked if something happened but we both dismissed it as nothing. The fight extended into more than a week however, eventually it was getting out of hand, so I tried talking to him first, like I usually did. He read my message but didn't respond. Then it went into two weeks, then three. After the third week, I decided to give up, I thought that if he wasn't going to at least try and talk to me, why should I continue to put effort? 
But now, I wish I had. 
Eventually, he stopped coming to school, I hadn't seen him at practice, and most importantly, none of his friends had seen or heard anything from him either. After a week, people started to really get worried. Later that one week, on a rainy day, the news of his death started spreading like wildfire. 
He had taken his own life. 
The news surprised everyone, but I was the most shocked. Nanase was never the type to ever say anything about taking his own life, maybe that's why no one really believed that he had ended his own life at first. People started blaming me for his death, saying if only I had apologized or talked to him maybe it wouldn't have been too late. In the beginning, I told myself it wasn't my fault, I did try talking to him and the fight was caused by him in the first place, but not too long after, I began to blame myself too. If maybe I had gone to see him in person, would he have stopped himself from killing himself? 
I kept getting harassed more and more, telling me if "I really had cared about him, I would've seen something was wrong" and "did you really love him?" and I really did think I did, I thought he was the one of the only people I loved and cared about, but I soon realized,
It wasn't love.