One Last Time

Ch.17: Answers

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Chapter 17: Answers

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Elise

"Remember, to be feared is better than to be loved."

I've never believed in those words.

At least I tried not to even when the man I dated was hanged in front of the masses. But now that I think about it, I don't know if he was dating me because he was actually in love with me or because he feared me.

But that doesn't matter now.

"And stop eating your nails or I'll rip them off!"

Those must be the kindest words I've heard when I was a child. My mother nor my father were found of affection and I am sure that just like me they didn't know what love was either. My parents hated each other and they probably do even today. Nothing has changed, maybe if I get to experience love I can break the cycle of hate.

I tried loving my parents and couldn't. I tried to love the servants but they feared me. I tried dating a man and I think he loved me ... I think.

I was tortured into confessing, but I was so used to the pain of broken bones that I was able to pull through it with my mouth shut.

But for him? One nail off and he confessed.

Well, too bad for him. Because although my parents hate me, they know they can't kill me.

But he was a simple military man ... and was hanged.

"You were supposed to marry the king and have his children! We would have been set up for life! But now we can't give you to him because you opened your legs too soon, you fucking whore!"

"Maybe we should sell her off, with her face she will be a good prostitute in the underground city."

I wasn't scared, at this point I had never expected much from my parents anyways. I was their only child at that time and killing me and end their bloodline wasn't in question.

And then I was forced to enter the Survey Corps, mostly for two reasons. So my family could keep me away with the hopes that one day a titan will eat me outside the walls, so they can say I died 'protecting humanity.'

The other was because my mother was pregnant and I wasn't needed in the family any longer.

And for three years, I trained. Perfection was never an option for me, it was the only option. Being imperfect, weak ... It's humiliating to me.

I graduated top of the class, something my parents didn't expect nor cared too much about it.

And as I joined the Survey Corps, as I came back from every outside the wall expedition unharmed, as I began to kill titans and have status ... They recognized me.

Not only my parents ... Everyone. Their eyes on me always, trying to be friends, maybe because they wanted status or power ... Or maybe just because they wanted to sleep with me and I didn't care.

I thought that maybe, out of those countless stand-up nights I had ... Someone may be able to love me.

"She is royalty! Come on! How many of you can say that you slept with someone from the royal families?"

"Not only that but she has a lot of money too! I heard she paid Leone's father hospital bills!"

"If you are lucky you can marry her and have all of her money!"