One Last Time

Ch.18: A Cruel World

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Chapter 18: A Cruel World

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Maria

The world is cruel.

"I just hate it when people don't do what they are supposed to be doing," Levi said. "Humanity doesn't need any more useless scumbags."

His words hurt me but I didn't say anything.

Sometimes reality hits and at some point, you have to realize ... You are not meant to do great things. I am not unique and probably will never be. Sometimes, I wish I had other qualities that separate me from others. But truth is that I don't. Other times I feel like I am living a facade, others I feel like I am living just for the sake of it, and lastly ... I live with the hope that maybe one day I could do something great.

"Maria, one day you will have kids and live a simple and comfortable life."

"Yes and your brother one day will be a doctor or a scientist, he will help humanity!"

My parents meant good but why couldn't I be like my brother? It wasn't like the idea of living a simple life bothered me. It was more the thought of my life being reduced to just that.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Maybe that's why I prioritize other people's decisions over my own. I never saw my life as important and compare to my brother, my life meant nothing. He was the important one, the savior, the one with an important future. I know I sound bitter and even envious but for the longest time, I believed it. And even know, I still do.

"I want to live my life, I don't want to do what they say!" Flagon said. "Maria, let's get out of here! I'll join the Survey Corps and you won't be forced into marriage!"

Maybe that's why I didn't hesitate to escape home with him.

To be honest, I was ok with the arranged marriage but after my brother convinced me ... I decided that whatever I was going to do with my life was less important than my brother's life.

That's probably the reason why I also became a tavern dancer ... because my dignity and morals meant less than my brother's bright future.

"Stop acting liken a saint," Elise said. "Deep down, you wish you could be special like me ... Like us."

And when Flagon died I couldn't help it but feel that everything I went through ... Went to waste.

Elise was right ... I was terrible. I didn't help my brother succeeded out of the goodness in my heart. I didn't become a tavern dancer so he could live a modest life.

I did it because deep down I thought ... That by helping him, I would achieve something great. Be useful somewhat to humanity.

Be more than the simple life that was expected of me.

Maybe I deserved it. All of this ... Maybe if I didn't feel sorry for myself ... Maybe if I had put a little bit more of faith in myself ... If I hadn't been scared of joining the training program along with my brother.

I wouldn't be here ... Trapped in the four corners of hell.

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"Alright, spit it," Levi said as he took a seat next to Maria. "You are being distant and I want to know why."

Maria couldn't stop thinking about how someway or another, Levi always finds her. Even on the rooftop of their house.