BEFORE YOU GO || Y.K + V.H ✔ [Under heavy editing]

-A new start-

[ Yoongi's pov: ]

My first funeral was when I was almost five- while my most recent one was at the ripe age of twenty one, both of them playing an equal amount of role in making me the most miserable man on this planet. It was my mum who decided to leave me first, but at the naive age of five I wasn't quite sure what a funeral meant or where my mum went for these people gathered at our residence to bawl their eyes out. Time passed and my mum didn't return making me so scared to the point where I just wanted to knock at people's houses and ask for her, ask them for help to find her.

Annoyingly, everyone's going through the event that I wanna carve my name onto, everyone but me, the one who wants it so bad. The honour I want to give myself but have failed time and time again, owing to the fact that the universe has quite a few miseries written for me to witness, for it can't consume me in it's land yet, maybe I'm not worthy of that honour thus far.

Years went by and finally I understood what had happened to me, to mum at that time. When I finally understood what had happened and how a person I hold so dear was snatched away from me I was terrified for anyone I loved to leave, well except for that shit of an excuse of a abusive father of mine. But even despite all of that agony and all those experiences, I consider today to be the worst day of my life.

-20TH OF JUNE, 2018-

The day I lost Jung Hoseok, the only person I believed made life worthwhile.

-

Everyone came, everyone except Min yoongi, Hoseok's secret boyfriend. His hands halted at his collar to adjust the neck tie as he stood in front of the mirror wearing a black suit. The youngster, who was still in denial about the news, had not cried once since discovering it last night. But now as he looked up at himself, dressing up for the funeral that's when reality struck him hard.

More that the loss of his boyfriend he was shattered about the words he heard on the phone the previous night, "Hoseok was discovered in a motel hanging from a ceiling fan which is an obvious suicide sign, we are sorry for your loss."

"How can this be?" Yoongi fell to the floor, sniffles turned into sobs, sobs into screams and this continued until the boy got tired and eventually drifted to sleep, which ended up with him not attending the funeral. Jimin and Jin, yoongi's childhood buddies at the moment. Firstly, didn't know the secret between the two. Secondly, as they too were astound by the sudden act that took place and wretched at that, what ached their hearts more were to see the condition their friend was in.

After months of convincing Yoongi, the two best friends were successful in sending him off to seoul in the hope that he can eventually get over it and perhaps find something that will interest him and help him move past the tragedy.

20TH OF JUNE, 2020.

Time is weird, it passes at it's pace without considering the need for the people around it. Sure, my wound has heeled over the years but it's still there, evident to my eyes every single day reminding me that it still exists and no matter how many years I wait the scar is still going to be there. Apparently two years have not been enough for a weak and pathetic soul like me to digest my miseries and the loss of my comfort. I moved cities, occupied myself into doing stuff day and night yet I failed to move on from that day, by limbs move, mouth talks, time passes- but despite all that my mind and my thoughts are stuck in the past.

I know the universe hates me so I don't think there's a need for me to whine and complain about the things happening to me but this time I just feel like it's playing with me just for the sake of having fun. Rather than taking away the people around me it has now decided to take the things that somewhat help me being a sane being around individuals, this time around it's my sleep that's been taken away from me but it's not purely my lack of sleep that's the problem rather these "nightmares" that wake me up in the middle of the night.

Make me feel how pathetic and useless I am, remind me of all the events I want to let go off. It's as if they are mocking me for what happened, making me revisit my fear every single night, wanting me to loose my cool and unleash my bizarre self to the world, which I've been trying to hide all this time.

Maybe it's a curse? is he finally punishing me for my sins.