Chances

Chapter 26: Jealousy

L Y D I A

It's now Thursday and I've come to the conclusion that Jackson's not coming into classes this week. Monday had my stomach in knots as I entered the hall with Eric next to me, panicking at the thought of seeing Jackson so soon after it all, Tuesday had me biting my lip so hard that I drew blood, Wednesday I began to settle knowing that I didn't have English that day and today, well, I feel the nausea spreading but I know I can handle it.

I've scolded myself every night when my mind wanders to him, I've distracted myself with movies and people, and I've reminded myself that it can't be that important when it was such little time. I'm fine, I remind myself.

Today I feel much better, despite the pit in my stomach swirling. I've actually managed to do a neutral, fresh look and paired it with a tight denim skirt and off the shoulder knitted jumper tucked in. Giving myself a once over I almost don't recognise myself; the past few days I've been so used to staring at a girl with a messy pony tail and black bags under my eyes. Today, I look a little bit more rejuvenated.

My first class so happens to be English today, and although I have the sickness rising in my throat I push it away and affirm to myself that today will be a good day.

As usual I meet with Hallie, and then with Eric on our way in. I sit in our usual seats and take the casual glance at the door to see if Jackson makes an appearance today. Who am I kidding? Of course he won't. My pen taps the paper as I listen to Eric moan about some TV show about vampires he watches, and how irritating the main character is who I think he called Elena... I don't know, I'm not listening, just nodding along.

My mind is really swirling around Jackson, is he avoiding me? Is he upset, hurt? Or is he off with Hannah. God, it makes me sick. I can literally feel the bile making it's way up my throat as her name enters my mind, alongside the image of them together.

Our professor brings everyone to silence as he talks about our upcoming exams in December, now only a month and a bit away, although it elicits groans from everyone I'm grateful for the distraction. Not to mention our next assignment he wants handed in within two weeks; I mean, I knew College was hard work but every class wants you to treat it as your major. It's exhausting.

Mid-sentence the door swings open at the back and everyone's heads turn towards the noise. The professor standing with his arms crossed and glaring at the perpetrator of the interruption. My neck arches as I see the familiar tall, messy haired boy march in as if there's no issue, glancing only momentarily at me and sitting on the other side of the lecture hall. I feel myself puff out air that was at a standstill in my lungs.

"How nice for you to join us this week, Mr Yates." Our professor scolds and Jackson flashes him a toothy grin.

"Family emergency, sir." He comments back as the professor rolls his eyes and continues on with his lecture. I try to drag my eyes away from Jackson and know full well that I'm staring, and I can't work out if the feeling in the pit of my stomach is hurt or anger. Probably a mixture of both.

I eventually stop staring and stifle a laugh to myself. I knew it meant nothing to him. He's walking around with a smile on his face bigger than I could even manage, it's just another nail in the coffin of what used to be the brief notion of us.

Eric continues to mutter complaints into my ear for the rest of the class, and as soon as we're dismissed I can't get out of there fast enough. I hate this.

"Holy shit, Lydia, we're not running a marathon. Slow down." He complains, again, as he tries to keep up with me when I push through the doors.

"Actually, if I were running a marathon I would be saving my energy, so your comparison doesn't make any sense." I shrug as I keep my pace, walking straight over the psychology block.