Waiting For You

Rārangi upoko 10 'Life Must Go On'

Anne sate by the side of the bed holding Joshua's hand. The persistent even beep of the heart monitor filled the room. She turned and studied her husbands sleeping face. He had oxygen tubes running up his nose and into his lungs. With the rise and fall of his chest and the pale hand in her own, she couldn't believe that he was back home.
"Your husband," the Indian doctor paused and took a breath, "seems to have suffered a mild heart attack when he arrived off the plane. It might have been due to his poor health and the drop in air pressure during landing, but we can't really be sure. We are sure though, that he will make a full recovery and probably can go home within a day or so."
Anne let out a sigh of relief. He was going to be ok. They were going to get through this together. "Thank you, Doctor." She said.
He gave her a polite nod before turning and left the room.
She turned her attention back to Joshua. An IV tube ran into the back of his hand that she held. She quietly hummed to herself an old tune from their childhood that he had written for her.
Later that day he awoke but said nothing. He did smile at seeing her.
The doctor knocked on the door before opening it slightly ajar and popped his head in. "We plan on shifting Joshua to a new room, is that ok?"
Anne looked at Joshua. "They are going to move you to a different room."
He nodded weakly.
The doctor came with a couple of nurses and they got Joshua ready to be moved and Anne followed them as they left the room, wheeling the bed through the door.
Doctors and nurses lined the length of the hallway, and they clapped as Joshua was wheeled passed. Anne watched the face of her husband. She was surprised at the doctors and nurses all clapping as they transferred him.
Joshua smiled lightly and Anne noticed that he was crying. "You're a hero." One nurse called. On entering the new room. Anne was surprised by the stacks of get well cards and teddy bears. Get well soon balloons lined the ceiling so tightly that she could not see the colour of the roof.
"Where is this all from?" She asked the doctor as they parked Joshua's bed in one clear corner of the room.
"This is from the people of Aotearoa." He replied before leaving with the nurses that had accompanied him.
Rosemary stopped by in the evening. She came to see how both of them were doing. Joshua had fallen back to sleep and Anne was grateful that her mother had visited.
"How are you coping?" She asked Anne in a quiet voice as she eyed up all the cards, teddy bears and balloons, "seems like a kings fortune was spent on the both of you." She added
Anne nodded. "A bit ridiculous, but it is nice to know that so many people care." She turned and looked at her sleeping husband.
Rosemary, using her arm, brushed the neatly stacked cards that were on the seat next to Anne onto the floor before taking a seat.
"Hmm, I know the way you look at him," Rosemary said softly. "You worry, I know, you should. I worry about you too."
Anne looked from her husband to her mother. Age was catching up with her. Grey streaked her hair in places and wrinkles were evident around her eyes and lips. "Mom, I'm fine, trust me."
Rosemary stared at her daughter for a second or two before nodding. "I am sure you are, silly of me really." She got up from the chair and started to collect strings of balloons that she fancied. "You won't miss a few, will you?" She asked, not really going to take a yes for an answer. She decided on four before heading to the door.
"Mom," Anne called.
Rosemary turned and looked at her daughter, "Yes dear?"
"Thank you."
Rosemary smiled. "I haven't done anything."
The next morning Joshua was well enough to be discharged from the hospital.
"Take it easy, now." The same doctor from the day before was saying. "No climbing stairs."
"Can he eat normal food?" Anne had asked.
The doctor nodded. "Yes, but wait 5 hours. If your wondering about taking him out on a date, yes, he can eat solid food."
Anne thanked him before helping Joshua into the car.
"Do you wish to take any Teddy bears or Balloons with you?" The Doctor asked.
Anne shook her head as she got into the driver's seat. "We donate them to Starship." She said and closed her door.
Soon enough they were at home. She helped him out and she gave a light laugh as he was escorted from the car with a pair of crutches and Anne held onto his arm for support as they made their way to the front door.
"What's so funny?" She asked as she fumbled for the right key and unlocked the door.
"Oh, nothing." He replied smiling and she helped him into the living room and he sank onto the couch. Lady came up and started to lick his hand, her tail wagging uncontrollably. "I am glad to see you too, Lady," Joshua said softly. "You have missed me, haven't you."
Gandelf seemed to not be like the dog and rushed passed Joshua in a wide birth and out through the front door.
"Cats," Anne said as she watched what unfolded. "I was wondering, Joshua, if you wanted to go out for dinner this evening?"
"Oh yes?" He looked up from the dog at her. "Where would you like to go?"
She thought for a second, "you keen on a curry?"
"Definitely." He exclaimed and smiled. "That would be wonderful!"
"Yay," she squealed and turned her phone on and was halfway booking a table at an Indian restaurant on Queens street when she paused. "Are you sure that you are up to it? I mean we don't want to overdo things."
He nodded his head, "I'll be fine, book the table and let's do this!"
-
The sound of people chatting mixed with laughter was a pleasant atmosphere. The smell of delicious Currys filled the air. "What are you going to have?" She asked him, lowering her menu down to the table. She had already chosen.
"Not sure," Joshua mumbled, he still hadn't fully recovered from his heart attack two days before and still looked a little pale. "Maybe a mango chicken."
"Are you ok?" She asked, not knowing weather if she could comfort him.
He nodded. "I think, I think so." He closed his menu and placed it down on the white table cloth.
A waiter seeing that both of them were ready to be served came over with a notepad and pen. "Are you both ready to order?" He asked with a smile.
"Yes. Can I please order the rogan josh with goat, make that mild, and my husband will have a mango chicken, make that a mild as well." Anne gathered up the menus as the waiter jotted down their orders and when he was ready, he took the menus and placed them under an arm.
"Is that all, would you like to order any naan bread with that or maybe a couple of drinks?"
Anne shook her head, "we will just have some water, thanks."
"Very good, I'll be right over with a jug of water and your order won't take more than 20 minutes."
"Thank you."
After the waiter had left, Anne smiled and took hold of Joshua's hands that were resting on the table. She could see the bruising where the nurses had entered the IV tubes into his rains on the backs of his hand. "We will get through this together." She whispered, looking into his eyes. She was slightly disturbed by the hollowness of his eyes.
He nodded but said nothing.
She looked down at the white table cloth. "Do you ever wonder how they get the stains out if these?" She asked him, changing the subject.
He shook his head. "Probably dry cleaning gets them out." He tripped over his words.
"Do you think so?" She looked at him and smiled. It seemed that he had changed. That the old him was somewhere lost inside and she couldn't reach him.
He smiled warmly, and she could see that he recognised that she was attempting to reach out to him in some way and comfort him. A familiar song began to play on the restaurants sound system, mixed with that of the smells and other couples talking, it seemed like a perfect evening.
The warm smile seemed to drain from his face along with any life all the sudden.
"What, what's wrong Joshua?" Anne asked and turned around in her chair to look behind her, maybe he had seen something through the window behind her.
Something hit the floor and she turned to find that her husband was no longer in his chair but laying across the floor.
"Oh my word, Joshua!" She got up and knelt by his side. His body jolted with spasms and other restaurant-goers seemed to all have taken notice of the commotion. "Someone please call an Ambulance!" She cried and took a hold of his hand. Someone pushed their way through the crowd that had amassed and other people started to clear away the tables and chairs for more room. "He's having an epileptic fit." The man said and rolled Joshua on his side. "The ambulance is on their way!" Someone else called.
"Oh, Joshua!" Anne cried, "Darling, hang in there, help is coming!"
Soon enough the sounds of a siren could be heard and people made way as a pair of paramedics came through with a stretcher on which they lifted Joshua onto and they carefully placed him into the back of the ambulance.
Anne followed in silence and she was allowed to sit in the back of the ambulance. A crowd of onlookers watched in dismay and some mentioned her name and seemed to recognise who both of them were. She tried calling her mother but wasn't able to get through and left a hurried, frantic,  tearful voice message. The paramedic placed an oxygen mask onto Joshua's face and kept an eye on Anne.
"What is the problem?" She asked hurriedly, her mouth felt dry and the words seemed to squeak out.
"He seems to have suffered a heart attack, and from what people described on the phone, it was brought on by PTSD."
"What? How?" Anne heard her self ask. The alarm bells began to sound in her head, and she remembered the music that had been playing over the radio. It had been the Waltz.
"Something must have triggered it, maybe a smell or sound." The paramedic replied.
After arriving at the hospital, Joshua was rushed into the emergency ward and Anne was told to wait in the waiting room. Rosemary soon arrived and hugged her tightly.
"It all happened so fast." She sobbed.
"Shhh, everything will be fine," Rosemary whispered.
After what seemed forever, a Doctor came out to update them of Joshua's progress. "I'm sorry, we did everything that we could." The doctor said. "But Joshua didn't make it."
"No!" Anne cried. "Where is he?" The doctor led her to where Joshua lay on a bed. He lay as if asleep, waiting to be roused from his dreams. "Oh Joshua, please no!" Anne couldn't think clearly, this wasn't happening! Her mother pulled her into a deep tight embrace and the both of them slowly pulled away from where Joshua lay. The nurses, doctors, and paramedic watched on, they did all they could, but it was time for Joshua to leave all the pain behind.
-
The sky was clear and blue, with not a cloud in sight. It seemed to Anne that nearly half of Auckland had shown up for Joshua's funeral. She watched as they lowered the coffin into the cold dark earth as she leant her head against her mother's shoulder. Amber stood next to her but hadn't said a single word.
"Why had God brought him back here, to me, just to rip him away again?" Anne sobbed.
"I don't know." Her mother replied softly.
The dirt began to be shovelled back into the grave, covering Joshua's casket. All that day people had come up and gave small remarks to Anne about how wonderful of an inspiration the both of them had been and how sad that they were to hear of Joshua's passing.
It seemed that the whole of Aotearoa was grieving with her at the death of her husband.
As the last spade full of dirt landed on top of the grave, people began to come forward and lay a flower each on top of the dirt mound by the gravestone.
Someone in the crowd rose a lament in Māori and soon the crowd seemed to sing along. Their voices rising to the heavens in remorse. Anne listened in silence.
A week passed, then two. Anne's boss hadn't rung her to see why she had not been to work, they knew and allowed her time.
She sat at the kitchen counter with a glass of wine in hand. Amber and Rosemary sat opposite in silence.
The ticking clock seemed to dominate the room with the sound of it passing the time.
"How are you coping?" Amber finally asked.
Anne gave her a blank look before taking a sip from her wineglass. "Not good."
The sound of kids playing outside somewhere crept in through the glass of the window above the kitchen sink.
"The therapist suggests for me to write everything down. He thinks that it would be healthy for me to turn it into a memoir." She took another sip from the wine glass. The evening sun cast a condensed beam of light through the aforementioned window above the kitchen sink, giving the room a warm feeling.
Rosemary withdrew the half-empty bottle from next to her daughter. "Maybe he's right." She said and drained the rest of the bottle down the sink. "Maybe you should write it all down for future generations."
That night as Anne lay in bed, she thought about what the therapist had said and the words that her mother had uttered in the kitchen earlier came back to her. 'Maybe you should write it all down for future generations.'
She got up out of bed and turned on the light. The clock by her bedside table read 11 pm, but that didn't seem to bother her, she was on a mission. Gandelf who had been curled up on the bed next to her had been awoken when Anne had gotten up and now stretched and gave a yawn before curling back up. "Don't worry about me." Anne heard herself say to the cat. "You go right back to sleep.
She went to the living room and searched around for a journal that she had brought months ago and never written anything in it. She found it in the draw of the coffee table alongside the needed supplies to write with. She sat down on the couch, opened the blank book and began to write.