Falling For Fairytales

Chapter Six: Do I Make You Nervous?

CHAPTER SIX: Do I Make You Nervous?

The first half hour of the car ride home was silent. Neither of us knowing what to say until out of nowhere Josh spoke up. "I'm sorry for making you do this" he sighed. I smiled at him "It's payback from when you saved me from the cold a year ago." His face lightened up a bit. "Was it really only a year ago?" he asked with his mood improving. I nodded.

"It feels like a life time ago." he said with a grin forming on his face finally. He had a point, it did seem like a long time since the last time we had seen each other. I diverted my eyes from the road to sneak a peak at Josh from the corner of my eye.

He stared forward seemingly lost in his own world with a goofy grin. "Whatcha thinking about?" I inquired directing most of my attention back at the road. Josh shot one of his charming side smiles at me. "The day we first met." he answered simply. I checked my face in the rear view mirror and sure enough I'd gone bright pink. "I remember when I first saw you asleep outside that pub.." he trailed off mid thought as if nobody else was in the car and he was talking aloud to himself. I felt a strong desire for him to continue on with his train of thought. "Oh yeah?" I made myself sound casual but interested as I slyly hinted for him to go on.

He turned his head to face me with his blue eyes glimmering in the moonlight shining in from the windows. "I remember wondering how someone could look so beautiful and peaceful and at the same time could possibly be a homeless transvestite named Joe." His face twisted from sincere into a teasing smirk as he finished his sentence. I couldn't help but burst into a giggle fit. Tears began to fill my eyes and blurred my vision as I laughed so hard that I literally began to cry.

With Josh chuckling beside me I felt warm. I felt like I wanted this moment to stretch over the rest of eternity. Just the two of us together laughing our pain away. Josh took a deep breath to compose himself and turned back towards me. "Can I ask you something?" I dragged my attention slowly away from the road to stare back at him for only a second as I heard the serious tone of his voice. "Anything." I nodded.

I could see him bite his lip and take a moment to phrase his question properly. "Do you think I'm a fool for staying with Samantha all this time?" His eyes went from their usual sparkling crystal colour to a pale blue as he longed for my answered. I could see him concentrating hard on my face as I processed his question in my head. "Well.." I sighed and tried to rethink what I wanted to say. "That depends... How long.. How long have you.. Uh.." I stumbled my words uncomfortably before I just quit trying and prayed he understood what I was getting at.

He seemed to catch on as he looked up and thought about it a second. "About four years on and off." He sheepishly admitted. From the tone of his voice I could tell that he was a bit embarrassed about what he'd just told me. My eyes widened in a bit of shock. "Oh." I blurted out in the spare of the moment. Josh hung his head low.

"I mean.. That's a long time.. You must really love this girl." I tried covering up my surprise with more spare of the moment words that I'd strung together. Josh lifted his head and turned his attention to the view out the passenger window. He sighed softly in what sounded like defeat. "I thought I did. I thought that for every mistake she made if I just forgave her she'd see how much I cared."

There was a long pause as he thought about his words before he continued. "But obviously, I was misled you see." He sat up straighter and began to raise his voice. "I was manipulated into thinking that anything she ever did fucking wrong was somehow my fault! Because I'm away a lot and I have a fan base of teenage girls I'm somehow not giving her everything she thinks she fucking deserves!" The anger in his voice was escalating quicker than his volume as he spit out his words like venom. "She never loved me. I was just another one of her followers. I'm no different than those stupid fucking girls that were back at the restaurant!"