Drawing Soldiers

Chapter Five

Five days later...

"I promise to call you when I'm back." My fathers arms once again soround me, his strength fighting to make its way into my body to keep me standing while he is no longer by my side, until he can once again hold me in his arms.

"And when will that be?" My eyes stung and my heart aches, the fear that overtakes me everytime can once again be felt. He's going back. He'll be in danger once again and I cant stop him.

"Not long baby I promise, but you know I gotta go back. We were only allowed to escort Jayden here and make sure he is comfortable before we head back." Its as if my body and mind protested to the idea of him once again willingly putting himself in danger as if the thought of what might happen, what can happen took over and my brain had a reboot my world crashed over and over in my mind. Ways he could be killed played like a movie behind my eyes and I gave up.

"Dont call me when you get back." And the room froze, every last one of them turned towards me but I cant keep doing it. It was going to kill me one of this days. "I love you dad, I really do I love you all so much. But I can't keep putting myself through this I can't keep grieving you over and over every time you get called in."

His smile fell in seconds he took a step back away from me and nodded once. Warren on the other hand took steps towards me shaking his head and a look of shock on his face. "You cant do that." But I could and I was. I bent my knees and grabbed my bag but before I could turn he had his hand wrapped around mine. "You cant do this, you are all he has left. You are the one he keeps coming home too. You cant just abandon him like this, not you too."

My sadness and loneliness turned into anger if there was anyone who knew how I felt it was him. Warren had heard me cry myself ro sleep every time our fathers were off on their next tour, night after night he had held me while I poured my heart out. "But he could do it to me? He can walk away from me and leave me broken time and time again? He can go and do what he loves with out considering what it's doing to me? To us? To our family? Who do I have to come home to, to hold when times are hard for me? Who waits for me when he leaves me like this?!" I signal to myself I know I look as broken as I feel, I know its all reflected on my face. No point in hiding it anymore.

"Its not fair to ask me to keep worrying, to keep making me suffer because of what he does. I'm not asking him to leave it, to stop doing it, im asking him to keep me out of it. I need to feel more than just this all the time, I need to live and he isn't helping me in doing so." I pull my hand from his grasp and take a couple of steps away from them.

"I love you all and I wish nothing more then years apon years of love and life to each and every one of you but its to much." Then I turn to him, he's just standing there watching me, his shoulders are dropped his head is lowerd and he is looking at me from under his lashes. "Si solo pudieras demostrarmelo todo desde tu punto de Vista, si solo tus ojos pudieran dejar ver tanto como los mios te han enseñado quizas no fuese tan dificil." If only you could show me all of it from your point of view, if only your eyes could show me as much as mine show you maybe then it wouldn't be so hard.

"Demustrame el mundo atravez de los tuyos." He fired back, his words were once her own, the words she has voiced out to him time and time again a plead of help. A cry of hope and sentence in which she begged to be showed how to love what he did. His knees gave out on him and he dropped to the floor as if her words have finally sunken in, as if he finally understood what she had meant for years. "Im sorry, I'm so sorry mija." His knees hit so hard on the hard wood that she fears he had fractured it in some way but when the first tear slid from his eyes she turned and walked away.

It had been to much for her, she couldn't keep putting herself in the same position. Her therapist had told her that maybe a little distance would do her good, that maybe they could work on her fears if she wasn't so worried about when he would be home or if he would be home. It was time to focuse on herself, she knew he would accept her with open arms when she was ready to come back, if she was ready to come back but she also knew this might break him. He was holding on to her so tight it was suffocating her. She understood why but now he had to understand why she was turning her back and walking away. This might make her just as bad as her mother and sisters but atleats she told him she was leaving she didn't just leave him to come home to an empty house and a flimsy piece of paper stating she was done. Maybe it wasnt the right time for him but if she had to keep doing this it would brake her and she didn't want to be broken.