Drawing Soldiers

Chapter Six

Unknown: Hey, Warren gave me this number wanted me to check on you, how are you doing? Its Amanda BTW.

Unknown: Hey again, I know you want nothing to do with the guys but i wanted you to know they are all doing well.

Unknown: Its Amanda again, if you need some one to talk, or not, just call.

Amanda: Atleast your reading them so I know your alive.

Amanda: Its been a month, the guys keep asking about you. I dont know what to tell them, I know we aren't friends and I don't know how your feeling but let me help.

Amanda: Jayden says to tell you that he expects you here on family day. We miss you, come spend a couple of hours with us no talking about... you know, just us.

Amanda: You didnt show. He's still waiting.

Stacey: Tell him I'm not coming, I'm not ready.

Amanda: Ok.

-------《♡》-------

The last two months had been hell, I've done nothing but cry. I've been questioning if I had made the right choice, if this was really going to help and still have no answer. My therapist says she's seen improvement but I can't feel it, all I feel is a heavy weight on my chest, one that brings tears to my eyes every so often. One I cant seem to push of me no matter how hard I try. So I'm going back, its family day and I find myself driving up to see Amanda and Jayden, they might not be my official family but they are part of my fathers extended one which by default makes them mine aswell.

This time around I bring no bags, no cupcakes, no pad just myself and a whole lot of shame and burdens. The place looks the same, as if the heavens had favored it over everything else the sun seems to shine brighter the air seems fresh, light and the smiles plastered on every single face seem to have gotten bigger. I know they aren't here but I cant seem to get nervous, ecxited, scared its all just a ball of bad feelings.

I push the doors to the three story structure open and make my way towards the gaming room, I know for a fact thats where Jayden will be and he should know where Amanda is if shes not with him.

"Stop cheating Jay!" I hear as iound the corner and catch Amanda shoving Jayden a little when he passes her in the race that was meant to be won by her but he managed to rip of her grasp.

"How is that cheating?" A phone rings and Amanda pulls it out from her pocket and answers a video call in wich Warren pops up.

"Hey baby." His smile isn't as big as she's used to seeing but it's there.

"Hey bad boy." Jayden flirts in a feminine voice that has me laughing and their heads turning.

They sit there and wach me as if they were debating whether or not I was truly there, eyes not blinking phone still up in the air but now I was sure he could also see me because he aswell was just staring no one saying anything that is until Kara's head pops on the screen as well and she screeches in ecxitment. "Look at my girl! You look beautiful, we've missed you so damn much mija! Come closer, please." She begs, but Kara never begs. She says that if she has to beg to get something then it was never trully meant for her so when she begs I freak out. I walk fast paced towards the phone and snatch it out of Amanda's hand praying to God that everyone is alright.

"Whats going on? Is everyone ok?" My voice sounds panicked, my hands are shaking and when she nods and tells me over and over that everyone is perfectly fine I remind myself this is why I've been keeping away. Their profession is going to either drive me to insanity, kill me one of this days or worst kill one of them.

The phone is once again passed to Warren who looks at me as if I had grown an extra head but then it morphed to anger. One he has no intentions on keeping to himself. "So you finally show up, are you planing on talking to your dad? Are you finally going to apologize?" Me, apologize for what? For doing what I think is best for me, hell no.

"I have nothing to apologize for and I wasnt planing on talking to any of you, you just happends to call when I was walking in." And with that I pass the phone back to Amanda and walk out of the room.

"How have you been?" Jayden asked as he settles next to me on the picnic table I have been sitting at for about an hour, he grabs a plate full of food from his lap and places it infront of me and pulls a water bottle from beside his hip and does the same.

"I've never been better." The words taste sour in my mouth but in a way they are true, I've found myself scheduling more therapy sessions and can't seem to shake that pressure of my chest but I can breath better, and I can think of more than just my father and his brothers dying.

"Good, that's why you walked away in the first place, focuse on that, ignore the comments and the looks everyone is giving you they'll be waiting when your ready to come back." His words hit me straight in the heart, he's not telling me to come back. His not asking me why I did it because he knows, he knows how much I've been hurting he saw it the moment he saw me and he understands this is what I need.

"Thanks"

"No need, its time to stop focusing on everyone and take care of yourself. I get it." He signals with his hand over his legs and then back up. "Its hard, its different but it has to be done."

I nod my head and then we sit in silence for the rest of my visit. I'd never thought of it that way, it has to be done , it really does I've lived my life scared, anxious and worried -and sure I feel it now aswell but I'm not letting it consume me. I'm not allowing it to take up every moment of every day. This is what they chose, its what they love and I have to learn to live, despite the fear that will keep consuming me. Because sure if her father decides his done with active duty it will lessen but the never fully dissipate because she has more family and friends serving.