What it's like being a minority in higher education in the US- a memoir

Chapter 1

I'll start by stating what I am. I am a Lebanese- American, 1st generation collage student. Oh, and I'm female. I know, wow. I also didn't mention that I am Muslim and I wear a hijab. So now you have a full visual. There's a thousand ways this book could go but I am going to start from the actual start. When did i realize that i was being treated differently in school? 

This started when I was in 3rd grade. I had an incredible teacher at the time. He cared about his students and he wanted nothing but the best for each of us. I was 8 years old, I did not wear a hijab yet. So, now that we've discussed the time and place, let's discuss what happened. 

It was early in the school year, probably close to November. We were doing our state testing requirements. I know, they're awful. I scored fairly low on the ELA portion and my teacher wanted to meet with my family to discuss my "options." I used quotations because that is a word we will hear very often. 

The week after this was said, my dad and I walked into the building and met with my teacher. He went over how I was "well below grade level" in almost every portion of our state test. My dad looked at me very disappointed and I just kept look at my bright pink shoes. My teacher looks over to my dad and asks, "Do you speak English at home with Sikna?" My dad answered back, "sometimes, but her mom only speaks Arabic, she learned both languages while growing up." He looks back at me and then at my dad again. We sit there awkwardly as he looks though some papers and joints down a few things. 

Finally, he says, "We need to put her in ESL." I looked up. ESL or English second language is a program for students who are new to English. They might have just moved here or they might have just started school and their native language was not English. We call this ELL now or English Language Learner. I looked up at him and said, "No, I don't want to do that." He looks down at me and says, "Well you have major gaps and I think It could really help you." I was upset, I didn't want that label, I was not an ESL student. None of my previous teachers thought so. Why did he? Then it dawned on me, my dad told him we don't speak English at home so he assumed I wasn't fluent. We thanked him for his time and then went home. 

That next week, I started going to the ESL room while my friends went to special. I was so sad. I did not want to be there nor did i care for what was happening. I went in, had a seat and of course I had to take the ESL state test. "Great," I thought, "another test." At this point, I was so over everything they were doing. I did the test, then another and another. I'm not sure what these tests determined but I wanted to get everything over with. The next day when I went into her classroom, she gave me a few worksheets. They were all 1st grade practice sheets. I looked at her and said, "I'm in 3rd grade." She looked back and said, "Yes, I know. But you tested well below your grade level hun, I want to help you." I do the worksheets and hand them back to her. She scores them on the spot. She looks at me in awe. "You scored a 100 on all of these," she states still shocked. She let's me go to special. I was so excited. I thought maybe I could test myself out of this. I ended up being an ESL student all school year. I hated every second of it. My teacher started to give me easier work and I felt like I wasn't as smart as my friends. This is not a good feeling to have as an 8 year old. I finished out the school year like a trooper. I thought I was done being an ESL student. I was so excited to go to 4th grade.  

August came along and it was time for school! I walked in and saw my friends. I got to sit with all of them. Things felt NORMAL. I was so happy. Later that day the ESL teacher stopped by and asked for me and a few other kids. I thought maybe she wanted to see me, it's been 3 months and she was really nice. I was wrong. She wanted to test us. At this point I was not a happy camper. I found myself stuck there again. At the end of 4th grade we found out the program was moving and so was I. They switched to a different school and took a few of us with them. I was going into 5th grade at a new school with not a single one of my peers. I was heartbroken. 

After all was said and done I finished elementary school. Things went up from here. At least for a while. But that's for another time. I want to leave you with this, you are strong, you are smart and you can do what ever you set your mind to. I sure planned on it as I was transitioning to middle school.