Finding Solace (COMPLETED)✔

Saying a big NO!!!

                                                                                        

"You'll do as I say, young lady," my dad roared. His eyes looked like they were about to pop out from their sockets, wide open with fury.

"Sir, you can say whatever you want, but I won't do it, especially not for you," I shouted, matching his tone.

He seemed surprised for a moment. I had never shouted at him before, but I couldn't hide my dissatisfaction with him and his controlling ways. What he didn't know was that, besides inheriting my mother's physical traits, I also shared some of his qualities. When I got angry, I could become destructive, and he was pushing me to my limits.

"What did you just say?" He took a step forward, and I instinctively moved backward, not out of fear, but as a defense mechanism. However, I quickly realized why I had chosen to speak up for myself. I squared my shoulders, stood my ground, and braced myself for what was to come.

Smack! A blazing hot slap struck my face. I was sure the imprint of his five fingers would be indented on my cheek.

"Say it again, Jesutofunmi. Come on, try it," he urged, fire flickering in his eyes.

Tears welled up in my eyes, threatening to fall, but I blinked them away quickly. I refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

Just when he thought I had nothing more to say and was about to provoke me further, I opened my mouth.

"Sir, I will not and never will do what you've asked of me. Even if you decide to kill me, I won't change my mind. The sooner you understand that, the better for both of us. All these years, I've respected you. Yes, I admit that I may have disappointed you once, but before then, I brought honor to this family. I would act as you wished, even when it wasn't what I wanted. Did you ever care? Yes, you provided me with money, but was that all I needed? Was it all I wanted? Did you bother to find out? All you wanted was the name 'Jesutofunmi's father' so that you could revel in its glory."

"Throughout my life, I've strived to live up to that name, not because I wanted it, but to prevent you from berating me for bringing shame to the family with my shortcomings!" I shouted.

"Have you forgotten that I'm human, with flesh and blood? Papa, have you forgotten that I am not a god? I can't be perfect in everything," I questioned him.

"Don't give me that! The Bible says, 'Be ye perfect, even as the one who has called you is perfect,'" he retorted. I laughed bitterly and shook my head.

"The same Bible tells us that when a man falls, he should stand up again and not remain in that position. So, Jesú mò pé edá le súbù (God knows a man can fall) before He said it. But what do you do when I try something and it fails? You criticize me! That's all you do! No words of encouragement. And now you want me to return to the very place where you once disgraced me? To do what exactly?"

My dad laughed, "So they can see that my daughter has made it, despite everything they've said to me. That's all I want." He looked at me with pleading eyes, but it was all fake. Once he realized I wouldn't do what he asked, those false pleas would disappear.

I shook my head. After all these years, he was still the same controlling father. I remembered the struggles I went through before reaching this point in my life and how he didn't contribute in any way, except for that one time. It left me bitter.

I heard my mom's voice, and I knew she would arrive soon. I needed to escape this suffocating room, so I chose the only means that would keep me sane—I walked out.

"Do not walk out on me!" he shouted after me. "You wish." I slammed the door shut just as I heard my mom telling him to leave me alone.

As I walked, words became difficult to form, so instead of soliloquizing, I allowed the pent-up tears of hurt and heartbreak to flow freely.

I had come home hoping to hear him say, "Jesutofunmi, you did something bad, but I shouldn't have treated you that way. I'm sorry." It was that simple. But what I received was far from what I wanted. To say I felt pained, realizing that he would repeatedly choose his fame over his child, was an understatement. But what could I do?

Isn't that life?

We don't always get what we want.

I returned to this house for my mom, but a small part of me had hoped that he would have changed. Yet, that hope was brutally crushed.

Let's not dwell on how he has been calling these past few days, asking me to come home after so many years, for this?

"Your daughter has made it." In what way did you help me?

"Jesutofunmi, you've brought disgrace to this family. I have been ridiculed because of you. You're a failure! I can't walk freely anymore because of you... Look at how those who respected me are starting to disrespect me. I'll kill you."

Those memories made me cry even harder. Going for this walk made me realize something—the concept of going back home, the real home.

This place isn't home anymore. And I just realized it stopped being one for me when I ran away a few years back.

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❤🇳🇬💙

Omg! 😢😢😢 who else feels teary right now?

Seems like Jesutofunmi has been through a lot, what would you have done ? After all those years you were working hard,crying in solitude and eventually the change you've always wanted came but there's someone who still doesn't care about you, your father....so heart breaking 💔💔

If you happened to be the one what will you do?

Yes I present to you a book without a title, it'll soon anyway ...what do you think of it, you can drop a title.

Please comment, vote and share.

Your favorite girl,friend,writer and lover. P:s lover is for those who're crushing on me😍

Till when?