Lethal Lust (Harry Styles x Reader)

when it all falls apart.

(A/N: Recap if u need it: You let Harry Styles take u to the dance while he set up a date for ur boyfriend who's not really ur boyfriend he's acc just your best friend, so he can skip the dance and Harry can have you all to himself. Harry tells you he likes you then leaves you all alone in a hotel room, unable to remember anything from the night you had together, you go home and become violently ill. You come back to school to find everyone calling you a cheat and one of your friends tells u that something bad has happened to ur boyfriend (really ur best friend) confusing? Good :) now onto the chapter... )
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Y'know that feeling when you see a crappy, cheap budget rollercoaster at a fairground. The metal of the track is all rusty and worn, the vehicles look like they're about to fall apart at any second, and no amount of neon spray paint is going to cover the cracks of its frame?

You damn well know you shouldn't go on it, scenes of final destination playing out in your mind as a deterrent or your brain makes you remember that news article about a woman who's seatbelt wasn't buckled in correctly and she flew into the stratosphere.

Despite your conscience trying it's best to ward you off, attempting to protect you from entering a premature grave, you still join that line and get on it, willingly chancing death.

It's crazy thinking about why us humans knowingly throw ourselves into these scary situations, like why do we constantly risk our lives for a little bit of an adrenaline high? Why do we take drugs for a second of pure ecstacy when we know it can be laced with god knows what, sending us into a possible fatal overdose? Why do we have sex to reach that little 10 second feeling of euphoria when you are then met with the paranoias of possible pregnancy or STDS? Why are we so drawn to danger when the risks completely outweigh the positives?

I'll tell you why, our stupid Neanderthal brains crave dopamine, do anything to get it. Even if it means putting our lives on the line or screwing over our best friend or destroying a classroom contemporaries' reputation. The riskier the better, the higher the satisfaction, the bigger the dopamine reward. 

But the feeling I'm feeling right now? The antithesis, I can't accurately explain it but It's like that aching rush of adrenaline as the rollercoaster is about to go down the slope, when you are at the very top of the hill and you can see just how far up you are as well as your spiralling descent to the ground. 
It comes on fast and strong, as though the bottom of your stomach has simply tumbled into your toes.

This feeling is being overtaken by something far more powerful, a lot more unknown, a feeling that I can't trace its familiarity back to anything, not like a rollercoaster.

This is a complete  overwhelming sense of dread.

I feel nothing at all.

I'm so disorientated, it's like I have no anchor in this world, like my place has been shifted?

Like I'm living in some sick twisted alternative reality in which my best friend is lying brain dead in a rickety old hospital bed.

Pepper wiped a tear from her eye, gripping her knees and sighing deeply. "Dylan was Found on the side of Lake Eerie, clothes all torn, face bruised all over, beaten up like a bloody pulp. He had been knocked out for a couple of hours by the time the ambulance arrived at the scene. They did surgery this morning, but there was too much internal bleeding and a plethora of complications." Pepper looked up from the floor meeting my eyes, the look was broken, cold, dead. "Now he's lying up in Elyria Hospital, comatose."

"Shut up, your joking." Matilda spat out, face dropped, mouth agape.

"Matilda why in utter god would I joke about something as serious as my own cousin's health?"  Pepper sounded irritated, which she had a right to be I mean Matilda took the news like how one would react to gossip not like yknow one of her classmates potentially dying.