Not Good Enough [BakuKami]

Internalizing the Homophobia

Some spice internalized homophobia from our resident Bisexual Kami, mmmm can't you taste the angst? It's bitter and salt, like tears.

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Bakugou wouldn't even look at him the next day unless it was with obvious disgust. Kaminari fully understood why Bakugou was completely correct to look at him that way, he was absolutely horrible, the others still didn't seem to see it. Kami's head hung low but at least Bakugou was no longer blind to his horrific condition of being gay, well he was bi but that was just as bad. He felt a tab better now that Bakugou wasn't living a lie thinking he was straight.

The explosive blonde all but chased him away from the usual lunch table and he was forced to sit alone. It felt right to be hated so thoroughly that even Midoriya seemed heavily concerned by the extra aggression from his childhood friend. Jirou had gone to sit with him but he waved her away saying he wanted to be alone, he didn't want to be he deserved to be. He didn't even look at his phone just mindlessly, not that it wasn't his usual, out the window at small birds peaking at the hardened ground.

He didn't hate himself he could just see the reality of what he was, a homosexual, the worst thing known to mankind or that's how his father put it and his father was always right. Bakugou also seemed to hate it so it must be wrong one hundred percent. Kaminari was never more certain of anything in his life, being a homo was wrong and he was a bad person because of it.

He once again ate nothing but this time he didn't even pretend why would he no one was looking at him, no one cared. He was in his own little world until someone sat down across from him, their purple hair made it obvious who they were. "Go away Shinsou."

"You're the one sitting at my usual table." Shinsou says crossing his arms and looking at the blonde. Kaminari blinks before standing up and muttering an apology before leaving the cafeteria. He wondered the halls not sure where he was going, he didn't really care as long has he wasn't spreading his disease.

He was actually pretty lonely he wanted to talk to someone, anyone, but he knew this was for the best. Bakugou hated him he kicked him away because he was gay. What would Shinsou do if he found out? Would he kick him to the curb too? Is Shinsou his friend? Shinsou didn't want friends so why was he following the blonde.

Kaminari turned around to look at him. The purple hair man kept walking toward him. "Why are you following me?" He asks crossing his arms as Shinsou gets closer. "I wanted to talk to you." Shinsou says wrapping an arm around the blondes shoulders forcing him to walk with him. "What's going on why aren't you sitting with your friends?" He asks looking over and down at him.

Kaminari looked down, he didn't want to tell him, Shinsou was his last friend. "Kaminari?"

"Bakugou doesn't want me there right now, I did something stupid and he's a little extra angry." Kaminari chuckles but it dies quite quickly, his chest and surprisingly stomach both hurting from the act.

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Kaminari sat up in his room alone, the squad was having a movie noght and it was very clear he wasn't invited. Especial when Bakugou nearly blew his face off for just trying to get a drink. He wasn't even near the group or trying to watch but Bakugou had found him in the kitchen and gotten angry.

His lip quivered as he thought back to it, he pulled his knees up to his chest trying not to cry. He had just wanted Bakugou to like him back or at least let him down gently but no Bakugou wasn't that kind of guy. Bakugou despised him the complete opposite of what he wanted. His face warmed as a few tears ran down his face.

He wanted to be part of the group again even if Bakugou hated him he wanted his friends back even if they all knew what he was. Kaminari wanted to undo what he'd done it had been a mistake and he wished he hadn't done it. 'But they're right to hate me.' He reminded himself but it just seemed to hurt more.

He looked over at his journal, it was actually a diary but he was never going to call it that, he'd had the book since he was eleven but only stared using it at twelve. That was the year his life took a sharp turn downwards and he couldn't keep it all in. He'd been writing in it for so long, everything that ever happened had been documented and if anyone read it he knew he'd be in deep shit.

In reality if anyone were to read it they'd take him to a therapist and arrest his father. Every thought of self hatred and every moment of abuse writen in detail. His most recent entry was all about Bakugou being right for trying to blow his face off.

He slowly got up grabbing his cup and going down stairs. He peaks into the living to see the cuddle puddle he use to always be in the middle of, he couldn't move anymore. His legs froze as he looked at them, Kirishima was in his spot, he feel warm tears run down his face. Bakugou's arm was wrapped around Kirishima's waist, his head on the red heads shoulder. That was his spot and he was suppose to be the one getting cuddled by Bakugou. He wanted that spot back but knew he'd probably never get it back, he was disgusting and horrible and didn't deserve it.

Bakugou glanced up and over at him, popping a few explosions, he could barely see Kaminari's face but he could see the light reflecting off the tears. Finally Kami backed away from the living room and goes into the kitchen. He sat in there and cried quietly before getting his drink and leaving.

Bakugou watched him hugging Kirishima closer pressing his lips to the back of the red heads neck.