Trapped (A Ticci Toby Story)

Chapter 16- Mend

He was so small.
I lift my finger and brush it over his forehead, pushing the dark strands away from his lashes.
He lies still.
Sam's eyelids are tinted purple, sunken in against his pale features.
His body is limp, his arms are tucked against him in the crook of my body and his head lolled against my chest.
I have never seen him so still, so peaceful.
Blissful.
I would have been worried for him, even frantic if it weren't for the quiet rhythmic wheeze in his chest.
I don't know what Tim gave him, but I've never seen him sleep so soundly, bundled up in oversized clothes that didn't belong to him.
Stolen from the lost and found from the building.
I pull the pink knitted hat further down over his forehead and placed my hands over his ears, resting my chin on the top of his head.
I silently watched the scene unfold before me.
"Ow!" Marco was saying, trying to squirm his way from Masky's grip. "It's hot! It's hot!"
"Hold still!" Masky snapped.
"IT'S HOT!"
"it's not hot!"
"Owie!"
Masky pulled Marco to him and quickly poured the clear liquid over the small cuts Cheryl had left on his wrist.
The clear liquid had only began to run pink when Marco bent down and bit hard onto Masky.
Masky shoved him away and Marco ran behind me, watching the man with angery, tear filled eyes.
"Toby!" Masky scolded.
"He... never bit Tom." I shruged apologetically.
Marco had grown a strong distaste for masky since he had tricked him into giving him his hurt arm out of trust, only for masky to twist it back into place without warning.
What transpired after could only be compared to deep seeded hatred and betrayal.
I expected Masky to say something to the child, but instead he turns away from us and crosses the small space we held ourselves in.
We had found a library only a little ways away from where we met up.
It was cold due to the heating being shut off while the library was closed for the weekend, but it protected is from the storm.
It protected us from him.
It had only been a few hours since we split up with hoodie, but I could see in the way he acted that masky was beyond worried.
As I watched him, I began to realize the gestures I picked up from him.
The way he paces and and clutches his hair when he tries to think.
The way he grits his teeth, the way he breathes uneven huffs to try and grasps any sense of composure.
He paces, but he doesn't go far.
He doesn't leave us,
Because, As of now, we were confined to the small space between to tall standing book shelves until he is able to check the area for cameras.
My eye follow across the darkened, colored spines of book across the shelves until my eyes finally land on something I could focus on.
An exit sign across the room, partially hidden by two books lazily leaning away from eachother.
Its intimating red glow is hypnotic.
The light only grows dimmer the longer I stare at it, the darkness around us slowly swallowing it up until I have to move my eyes again to see it.
Was this what dying was like?
Everything you ever kmown being stolen by darkness right before your eyes?
I had found myself wondering when masky asks;
"Does he have a gun?"
And it takes me a moment to realize he was talking about Tom.
"Not.... That I've seen, no." my words leave my lips before I even realize I responded.
"Did he use anything in particular?"
"A hammer, a vase... His hands if there wasn't anything around." I shrug. "And he's left handed." I add, knowing what he's going to ask next.
Masky goes back to pacing and I wondered how long it would take until hoodie brought Jane and Alex back.
I can finally tell Alex how sorry I am.
I hope she doesn't still hate me.
If I was going to see them again if I allowed myself to rest my eyes.
I feel Marco shift behind me and I close my eyes until he settles into a more comfortable position against the shelf.
I hear him move the books around, quietly. The spines click against the wooden shelf as he only glances at the dark, hidden, covers.
I don't know how long I lost myself in the ambient sounds until I noticed how heavy my eyes had become.
When I open them I see masky watching me with disgust and disappointment clear on face.
Look at you.
His eyes said.
"How could you let this happen?" He said.
And I try to blink away the haze.
"I... Didn't." I mumble and to tired to remember how exactly I came to be in this condition.
I couldn't.
That only irritate him more.
"A man who targets children and victimises the weak. You expect me to believe he did this to you and you tried to stop him?" he scowls.
"Yes." I say.
And I keep trying to defend myself with the fact that I never stopped fighting him, I know this, but I couldn't remember where it went wrong.
There was too much and too little going on in my mind
Why is he doing this now? When I can't think--this isnt fair!
"Not a chance." He snaps. "I know you're not helpless, Toby. I've seen what you can do."
Yeah, right.
"yeah?" I shot back bitterly. "If I wasn't so helpless than why did you always leave me behind? Why did you ALWAYS go out of your way to make sure I was never with you?"
"Because you're reckless!" he blew up. "I don't regret my decision to keep you away because you showed me time and time again how little you care about your self!"
Maybe he wasn't yelling, but the sound of his voice rang out harshly in the silence and still.
Even when he lowered his voice, it didn't help his words being too loud and too harsh because they were true.
"I could bet my life that you only look this bad because you don't know when to shut your mouth and stop throwing yourself in danger!"
Sam stirs in my lap and I hold him tighter.
"What else was I supposed to do? Do you expect me to sit back and watch him hurt these kids?" I hiss through my teeth.
"I expect you to do better than this! If you, for once! Did what I've told you to do in the beginning, you wouldn't have to be in that situation!"
"So this is all my fault?" I match my scowl.
Pain.
I wasn't prepared for the toll those words took on me.
The reminder that everything that had happened to Alex and Jane was because of me.
This entire mess was my fault because I left the safety of my home over something so stupid.
My actions have torn me up and destroyed me for months.
But now, Cheryl's words were no longer hers, they were his.
They hurt so much more.
Oh god.
I drop my head and the scene around me swayed so much that I had to close my eyes before it caused me to be sick.
It was Marco who spoke next, his voice rings out from just over my shoulder.
"No, he did really good! He fought Tom all the time! I saw him! He even made Tom bleed sometimes too!"
Masky's angry eyes leave mine and flick to the boy behind me. I feel Marco sink lower behind me as he spoke. "Tom is just scary... He's scarier than you!"
"Marco!" I snap.
I didn't need him getting in the middle of this. I didn't need him, a child, to defend me against my leader.
"Well its true!" he stated in a pleading, matter-of-fact tone. "He took Toby away made him bleed a lot and then Toby stopped winning all the time."
"What?" Masky asks, his tone completely changed. "What is he talking about?"
"I'm fine." I say instinctively.
"No, you're not fine! Anyone can see that you're clearly not fine!" Masky said, growing frustrated with me again, but this time was different.
The fear in his voice was more painful than his anger could ever be.
"Where were you bleeding?" he demanded.
And I flinch.
"I'm not--"
"Right here." Marco said and I know he patted his side.
"I said im fine!" I snap, pissed by his betrayal.
He didn't understand. Telling Masky how badly I was hurt was like telling someone that you were ungrateful for their kindness.
He and hoodie would have done everything they could to protect me without hesitation, but the moment they weren't with me, I single handedly destroyed everything they tried so hard to protect.
Only for the fact that I didn't think I would see them again.
"Toby." masky says, I look away."We had a deal."
I told him I wasn't going to take any of the supplies until he treated the kids first.
I couldn't bare the thought that they didn't get the supplies they needed because of me.
Now that they were warm, thier wounds were cleaned and medicine was given, I didn't have an excuse but to show him how pathetic and wounded I was.
I swallow down my pride and allowed Marco to help gather Sam off my lap into his own.
Masky kneeled in front of me and I lifted the hem of my shirt, showing him the dirty bandages wrapped tightly around my torso.
"Who wrapped your wound?" he asked, sticking his hand into his jacket pocket for a pocket knife.
"Jane." I mumble, growing nauseous from the rotting smell. "She did the best she could."
He doesn't say anything to that. Instead he flicks open the blade and pulls the the edge of the bandage away from my skin.
"lay down." he said and I obey.
I feel the bandages cut lose one by one and the smell grows stronger.
I watch a crease forms between his brows.
"When did this happen?" he asks.
"A few days ago." I mumble.
I lift myself to see the damage, but I only see dark blooming from sticky black and brown before his hand shoves me back down firmly.
"Lay down." he says again, tightly.
I already regretted seeing what I did.
There was much more blood than I remember, old and knew.
The skin I was able to see was dark with infection.
My nausea grew and could no longer focus on the tiles above me.
I could only manage basic functions.
Blink, breathe, blink, and breathe.
I feel his hand briefly on my forehead, pushing my hair back before he curses under his breath.
Masky quickly stood and I could hear him digging through the contents of hoodies bag, tossing things aside.
I find Marco trying to reach a box of bandages despite Sam taking up his small lap.
I smile at him, his curious nature.
"Drink." Masky says and I turn to see the water bottle only inches from my face.
"Why?" I ask in confusion.
"You have a fever. Your body is trying to fight off the infection and I need you to stay hydrated."
That would explain the smell.
I take the water from him and cautiously avoided his eyes as i drank.
I craved the tasteless liquid so desperately.
But he didn't need to know that.
After taking a few carefully timed gulps, he gave me two white and chalky pills with the instructions not to chew them.
They were the same pills he had given to Sam. The pills that were meant to lower his fever.
They had put him to sleep within thirty minutes of taking them, but now as I take my last gulp of water, I feel my head drifting back the few inches to the carpet.
The room spins, but my eyes had fallen closed.
My thoughts grow distant, but I fear for their worry.
I don't want them to think im dead,
I don't want them to leave me behind.
So I tell him.
As I begin to slip, I mumble the words
'I'm falling asleep.'
And all he says is;
"Okay, Toby."
Before I am gone.

A tugging on the back of my foot wakes me.
I peal my eyes open and it takes everything out of me.
I can only stare absently at the tiles above me, caught somewhere between wakefulness and sleep.
Another tug.
And a single thought, a memory of Tom pricing me behind my foot, causes me to wake in a panic.
"Don't move." Masky warns quietly.
I freeze, my breath caught in my throat.
He was bent over my foot, carefully trying to bend the ring enough to pull it from my skin with a pair of needle nose pliers.
I stiffly search the room for danger.
Shelves, books, a glow of red off in the foreground, two sleeping mounds of children.
Tom's not here.
I remind myself and force myself to breathe.
"You.. Always said" I start shakily after a few moments. "Someone should put a bell on me... I bet you didn't actually think someone would actually do it." I force a breathy laugh.
He only gives me a sideways glance, but I can see his firmly set jaw.
He wasn't going to find humor in this.
Another tug.
I give up on trying to lighten the mood. I allow my eyes to drift to the boys.
"What are you going to do with them?" I ask.
"They can't stay with us." he says, completely dismissing the idea that only just begun to form in my head.
Tug.
"I know... But are you going to make sure they make it back..." I run a hand over my face to keep my eyes from falling shut. "to where they belong?"
"Yes." He said quietly.
I hesitate before I ask;
"Even.... Even if I don't make it?"
His hands stop working and he looks up at me for a long moment.
"How do you feel?" Is all he says. His voice is entirely void of emotion.
"I.... " I blink a few times, trying to clear my head enough to understand what he wanted me to say. "I feel confused..." I mumble, he drops his head and begins working again. "I feel tired, heavy..."
I push myself to search for the words to describe the stupor I was in, but he didn't ask for more.
I close my eyes.
Another tug.
"That bad?" he finally says.
I can only shrug.
"As bad as it can be for me anyways."
I remark bitterly.
He laughs once at that and it surprises me.
I've never made him laugh for as long as I known him.
I lift my head to look at him, but he isn't smiling.
He isn't even looking at me.
And I know, by the way he laughed, that he was miserable.
I drop my head back down and fight down the overwhelming sense of guilt and terror that crept it's way into me.
Why does he look so sad?
Was I really going to die?
Am I dying?
"I know that I can't change you." he shook his head wistfully. "I've tried."
"Why?" I mumble with one eye open.
"When we followed you, before you lost your sister, we would notice the things you do. Small things that would drive me insane. One of those begin how you would throw yourself at your father instead of allowing your mother or sister to deal with it themselves. You didn't care if it only started another fight between the three of you and you didn't care what happened to you. You didn't listen to them because you believed what you were doing was right.... I know when you get that thought in your head there is nothing we can do to get it out and that scares me." he falls silent long enough to pull on the ring. "I thought I could change that, but no matter how many times I yelled at you or punished you for being reckless, we are still here. Exactly where I didn't want you to be."
He pulls on the ring again. Harder than he had before and I lay here trying to find words I can say to him.
But he speaks again.
"But... My greatest regret with you was trying to keep you oblivious for so long."
"What do you mean?" my voice sounds far away.
I move and I am suddenly aware of the missing weight on my foot. I pull my leg back to make sure the absence wasn't just in my head, but when I move freely without pull it became clear.
I was free.
"Christ Toby," Masky's distress hits me like a weight. "For as long as you been here, haven't you realized that slender never came for you?"