𝐦𝐢𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐮𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐥𝐚𝐝𝐲𝐛𝐮𝐠 || 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬

three || maman

Maman
Written by rejoiceo / just_keep_writin
Contest for: SummerCheng37

"Maman" - the French word for mother.

Mature Warning:
Mention of Suicide~
Murder~

•••

My life has completely fallen apart, and though being told countless times that I was still young and could change the direction my life was heading towards, I just felt like it was entirely over. Waking up days after days, my eyes would never fail to land on a sharp weapon which could cut through my skin like how a pair of scissors could cut through a paper easily. Yet, I would shove the idea out of my head and force myself to go through the painful day as always. Being alive was so hard, especially when there was someone out there whom I loved so deeply, yet couldn't see anymore because she was gone. It was precisely when my life had crashed, sprinting downhill and hadn't stopped running like that ever since.

Maman.

I moved my arm towards the small nightstand right beside my bed, until my hand softly caressed the picture frame I had put up there. It consisted of my family and me; Maman, Papa, and my older sister, Bridgette. Just staring at my mother's face. . . it still made me question how the past could have just happened. We were always such a joyous family, at least that's what I was led to believe. We owned a family bakery, one that was successful with so many customers each day it was opened. We were always by each others' sides and had each other to lean on. So I questioned it everyday of how she could have just. . .left.

Besides my devastation, I felt anger as well, because she'd taken herself out without explaining why. There was no note explaining why, no nothing! All we had seen in her room was just her dead body lying on her bed. There had been no blood whatsoever, so I'd just believed she'd been sleeping; I walked past her bedroom so many times without even bothering to walk in and check if she was okay. It was only then that we began to be suspicious; Maman was always the first person to wake up out of the four of us, and she would be the one to open the bakery for the day. We forced ourselves to believe that she was just tired, after all, she was only human, so we'd done nothing of it.

It was only then that I'd gotten worried and had asked Bridgette to go inside her room to wake her up. I still remember how loud, high-pitched and filled with terror her scream had been that day, which had immediately gotten both Papa and I to drop whatever we were doing and rush to see what was wrong. The worst day of my life. I truly believed nothing could ever surpass this day and claim the title of 'the worst day of my life'. The bakery had shut down because we just couldn't keep up with business anymore. In fact, we were just too devastated to keep up with business.

Now as I looked in the mirror, staring at my 20-year old self, it didn't surprise me at all that I hadn't moved on from that day. I'd get haunted from it, get nightmares, and I'd just wish there something, anything, I could do to reset that moment and stop her from doing whatever she had done to herself to end her life. I took in a sharp breath, clenching my hands into tight fists, trying to force myself to forget what had happened 3 years ago. But I just couldn't. And it hurt so much that I couldn't.

My attention was taken from the mirror and towards my window when I heard light tapping coming from it. A little bright sense of hope sparked through my body when I knew who it was without even having to see him. Someone I'd met who had helped me throughout the days of my life. If I never had him here with me, I wouldn't even be here anymore. He'd always come to visit at least 3 times a week just to check up on me, make sure I was okay, and fill my ears with sweet nothings of how I mattered. The outer layer of my body was working out completely fine, yet I couldn't really say the same for the inside. I couldn't ever come out to him and confess of all these thoughts I'd get first thing in the morning.